Bonnie Jo Chapman is marking exactly one year since her mother Beth Chapman died following a cancer battle. The 21-year-old makeup artist took to social media on Friday to post a heartwrenching note dedicated to Beth, who starred alongside husband Duane "Dog" Chapman on Dog the Bounty Hunter and its spinoff shows for years.
"For 365 days we have lived without your smile, laugh and voice," Bonnie's note starts. "For 365 days my heart had yearned to hold you, or for you to hold me. I haven't been the same, none of us have. I've tried to (sic) hard to be strong for everyone around me, but occasionally I lose it. I hug the nearest person and sob uncontrollably. I sob for my momma, for the rock I've had throughout my whole life.
"I try to imagine how it would be on my 21st with you here, would you make me a lychee martini? Would you tell me why you only drank Grey Goose?" she continued. "I try to imagine how things would've been with you still here. I can't do it."
Bonnie went on to tell her late mother that she "lost a huge part of [herself]," even though she's not keen on admitting that. "I'm broken, lost and completely closed off," she said, adding that she feels like a burden to "everyone I talk to about it, so I've stopped."
On the anniversary of her mother's passing, Bonnie wrote that she doesn't want to relive the day Beth died, but that she couldn't help herself remembering the morning she woke up, put on one of Beth's dresses and got ready to "say goodbye."
"I was ready to hold your hand as you left. I was ready to help you into heaven. We couldn't do it. I remember completely falling apart, calling my boyfriend and sobbing that I had lost you," she wrote. Later on, Bonnie said the family "sobbed to each other," all feeling the huge loss on their shoulders. "We looked at my father, it was time to share with the world that you had crossed over," she wrote. "He came up with the perfect thing to say and with that we all grieved together."
Bonnie said that now she takes it "day by day," still heartbroken when people talk about fights with their moms. "I wish we still had those," she wrote. "I wish I could still do your makeup. I wish I could still text you and hear you say you're proud of me. I miss you. I miss the jokes we made and how you showed me to be brutal but also show kindness."
Toward the end of the lengthy tribute, she wrote that in addition to her grief, she is "grateful that you have finally been pain-free for 365 days. or one whole year you've been able to breathe clearly, s something you've wanted for years since your initial diagnosis."
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"You can breathe, you can laugh; I wish you were here but I know you're at peace," Bonnie concluded, writing that she was thankful for every moment with her mom. "Thank you for caring for me inside your womb, outside of it, and making me feel loved until the very last breath you took. I love you."
Friday marks exactly one year since Beth passed away following a cancer battle. Cecily Chapman, Beth's daughter from a relationship that came before her marriage to Dog (but whom Dog adopted), is planning a remembrance event Friday evening in Hawaii.