Lady Gaga is the guest star in the first episode of Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry's Apple TV+ series The Me You Can't See, and revealed that she found out she was pregnant after nonconsensual sex. Gaga, 35, said she was sexually assaulted by a producer who demanded she take off her clothes. After she was raped, Gaga experienced a "total psychotic break." The A Star Is Born star previously revealed she was raped in 2014.
"I was 19 years old, and I was working in the business, and a producer said to me, 'Take your clothes off,'" Gaga said in the episode, which is available on Friday, reports E! News. "And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all of my music. And they didn't stop. They didn't stop asking me, and I just froze and I—I don't even remember."
Gaga began crying before she explained that she will never name the producer who assaulted her publicly because she does not want to face him. She noted that the music industry is dangerous and abusive. She recalled another case when she went to a hospital because she felt pain and was numb. But when she checked in, a psychiatrist saw her instead of a medical doctor.
She "felt full-on pain, then I went numb," the "Born This Way" singer revealed. "And then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after, and I realized that it was the same pain that I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on a corner. At my parents' house because I was vomiting and sick. Because I'd been being abused. I was locked away in a studio for months."
The pain Gaga felt lingered, leading to a "psychotic break" that continued even into the 2019 awards season, when she was picking up honors for A Star Is Born. "I had a total psychotic break, and for a couple of years, I was not the same girl," Gaga explained. "The way that I feel when I feel pain was how I felt after I was raped. I've had so many MRIs and scans where they don't find nothing. But your body remembers."
Gaga admitted that she has also thought about self-harm. She asked herself why it was not good to hurt herself. "Because it makes you feel worse," she said. "You think you're going to feel better because you're showing somebody, 'Look, I'm in pain.' It doesn't help." In the end, Gaga tried to leave viewers with a more hopeful thought. She learned how to "pull myself out of it... it all started to slowly change."