Jana Kramer returned to her podcast, Whine Down, in her first episode since filing for divorce from husband Mike Caussin, and admitted during the show that it "feels weird" to be doing the podcast without him. "I don't know if I want to do this show anymore if I'm being completely honest," she said. "I started the show by myself, and it's something I always wanted to do... It just felt like ours, and now it just feels weird not having him on here. It just feels weird."
In her divorce filing, Kramer cited "inappropriate marital conduct, irreconcilable differences and adultery" as reasons for the split," and sources told PEOPLE and Us Weekly that the separation was due to infidelity. On her podcast, Kramer's producer asked if there was anything that brought her a sense of relief, and the 37-year-old responded that it was "nice to not have to wonder and worry" because she was "always afraid of that moment," referring to discovering infidelity.
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"We even had a conversation before everything came to light and I was just like, 'If there's anything, I don't want to find it. Whatever it is, we can work through it,'" she said. "It was just such a connected moment. He swore on his sobriety there was nothing."
Kramer and Caussin married in 2015 and split one year later after infidelity by Caussin. He sought treatment for sex addiction and the pair renewed their vows in 2017. Kramer explained on her podcast that she fought so hard for her relationship and ultimately feels like she "let people down."
"I didn't want this at the end of the day. Where I'm at is — I'm embarrassed," she admitted. "I'm embarrassed that this is how it ended, and I also think that I've let people down. We've come on here and we've fought, and we fought for it. The words that were spoken, they were honest from me is what I'll say."
Now, she's focused on parenting her and Caussin's two kids, 5-year-old daughter Jolie and 2-year-old son Jace, tearing up as she shared that it's "so hard when I have all these feelings and emotions and then I have to be a mom on top of it." In her divorce filing, Kramer claimed that she is the "fit and proper person" to have custody over their kids, via Entertainment Tonight, and she noted on her podcast that she's worried about her reaction the first time Jolie and Jace spend an overnight with their dad.
"The first time they leave for overnight, I'm going to be destroyed. It's not what I wanted. It's not what I worked for," she said. "It's not what I fought for. And it's not fair, and that's what makes me so angry, I worked too damn hard for it to end this way." She added, "I always thought I was strong by staying. I'm now weak for staying."