Meghan McCain suffered a miscarriage in early July, revealing the news in a New York Times op-ed on Friday. The View co-host said she suffered the loss "a few weeks ago" before a cover shoot for the Times' magazine. The View co-host wrote in her piece that before cameras started flashing, her doctor told her she was miscarrying. While she admits she held it together during the shoot, it wasn't easy.
"I should have been proud," McCain wrote of the cover shoot, which featured her The View co-stars. "But inside, I am dying. Inside, my baby is dying."
She wrote in her op-ed that while fans may not see anything on her face in the photos, she saw great sadness.
"I see a woman hiding her shock and sorrow," McCain wrote.
Initially, McCain — who lost her father, Sen. John McCain nearly a year ago to a brain tumor — planned to keep the news under wraps. She decided to share following a brief break from The View for the July 4th holidays, which she said "was enough to spark gossip about why I would be away." Additionally, McCain said she hoped to stand in solidarity with other women who suffer miscarriages.
"I am not hiding anymore. My miscarriage was a horrendous experience and I would not wish it upon anyone," she wrote.
Per McCain's op-ed, her pregnancy news was a surprise "many months ago now."
"I have asked the same question every mother asks who loves and loses a child: Why?" McCain wrote. "I blamed myself."
She went on to share, "Perhaps it was wrong of me to choose to be a professional woman, working in a high-pressure, high-visibility, high-stress field, still bearing the burden of the recent loss of my father and facing on top of that the arrows that come with public life."
"This is not a complaint. This is reality. I blamed my age, I blamed my personality. I blamed everything and anything a person could think of, and what followed was a deep opening of shame."
She said that while she doesn't "understand," she's started to come to terms with the miscarriage. McCain wrote that weeks out, she's able to see that it's not her fault.
"I have love for all the women who, like me, were briefly in the sisterhood of motherhood, hoping, praying and nursing joy within us, until the day the joy was over," she penned.
McCain has been married to Ben Domenech, a conservative writer, since November 2017. She's been dealing with pregnancy rumors for some time, but hadn't confirmed the news. Fans speculated that some of her absences from The View may be pregnancy related, which may have contributed to her decision to speak out about the miscarriage.
In June 2018, McCain admitted that she felt pressured by her mom to have a child before her father's death. Cindy McCain reportedly hoped Meghan would have a baby before her dad succumbed to his cancer, as PEOPLE reported.
"She has never asked me before and then all the sudden she brings it up all the time," Meghan told the magazine at the time.0comments
She added, "It's hilarious and uncomfortable."
At the time, Meghan said she and her husband simply were "not quite there yet." She gave no indication as to when they might be.