Megan Fox Reveals She Suffered ‘Very Difficult’ Miscarriage With Machine Gun Kelly

Megan Fox is opening up about her miscarriage in her new book of poetry, Pretty Boys Are Poisonous. The 37-year-old actress, who is engaged to rapper Machine Gun Kelly, writes of her pregnancy loss in two poems in the new book, out Nov. 7, describing an ultrasound of a baby girl at 10 weeks and a day as she writes, “maybe if you hadn’t… maybe if i had…”

Elsewhere in the book she writes, “I want to hold your hand / hear your laugh,” and later, “but now / I have to say / goodbye.” Another line is about imagining holding the baby “as they rip you from my insides.” Fox continues, “I will pay any price / Tell me please / what is the ransom / for her soul?” The Transformers actress later discussed the experience in a sit-down interview with Good Morning America, revealing that the child she had miscarried was that of her fiancé.

“I’ve never been through anything like that in my life,” said Fox, who is mother to three kids – Noah, 10, Bodhi, 9, and Journey, 7, with ex Brian Austin Green. “I have 3 kids, so it was very difficult for both of us and it sent us on a very wild journey together and separately…trying to navigate, ‘What does this mean?’ and ‘Why did this happen?’”

Also in Pretty Boys Are Poisonous, the Jennifer’s Body star describes being in an abusive relationship, writing in the poem “oxycodone and tequila,” “today my sin was that i followed your friend to the dinner table / instead of waiting for you to lead me.” She later adds, “you hit me / again / and again.” In another poem titled “don’t worry darling,” the star writes, “mornings after you would hurt me / i would wake up and make your coffee / put on a sweatshirt so you wouldn’t have to look at the bruises you left.” The poem continues, “imagine all the girls who don’t get hurt / for laughing at another boy’s jokes.”

The Midnight in the Switchgrass actress explained to PEOPLE in a Nov. 6 interview that her book of poems is a mixture of lived experience and allegory. “It comes from a lot of places,” she shared. “Some of it is literal, while other parts are allegorical. Some poems contain a Grimm’s-fairy-tale-type element, and others serve the same purpose as memes in online culture.”

She added, “Relationships are complicated. For most of us it’s not a fairy tale. Relationships are not pretty. They are ugly. Sometimes they are a war. But through a wound enters an opportunity to grow and become a stronger more whole version of yourself.”