Nikki Glaser Reveals Celebrity Roasts That Didn’t Make the ‘Golden Globes’

Nikki Glaser is once again sharing the celebrity roasts that were left on the cutting room floor in her post-Golden Globe Awards breakdown with Howard Stern.

The comedian, who hosted Sunday’s awards ceremony for the second year in a row, appeared on The Howard Stern Show on Sirius XM on Tuesday to reveal the jokes that hadn’t made the final draft for her hosting gig.

Christy star Sydney Sweeney didn’t attend the Golden Globes, but Glaser said that if she had been in the audience, she would have joked, “Tonight is a night of celebration, but we can’t ignore that it’s a weird time in Hollywood. People just aren’t going to the theater to see things. If you don’t believe me, there was a movie this year where Sydney Sweeney played a lesbian who just bounced around in tiny shorts for two hours, and it made $14.”

Had Brad Pitt been in the audience for his role in F1, Glaser said she would have joked, “When a man turns 60, he gets to play a racecar driver. Meanwhile, after 35, every role for a woman is a tired mom who hates her life.”

She continued, “Brad, you were so good enough when I was almost convinced that you’ve driven yourself somewhere in the last 30 years. But Brad did a lot of his own driving in the movie. And Brad, I don’t want to embarrass you, but your blinker was on the whole time.”

Glaser did get to take aim at Sean Penn during Sunday’s ceremony, calling him a “sexy leather handbag” in her monologue, but there were other jokes she originally had in her arsenal for the One Battle After Another nominee.

“Sean Penn is nominated tonight. I’m assuming for Best Neck Veins?” Glaser told Stern, adding in another joke, “Two of the hardest working actors in Hollywood are here tonight: Sean Penn’s lower eyelids.”

Penn’s fellow One Battle After Another castmates Benicio del Toro and Leonardo DiCaprio also could have caught strays from Glaser with this unused joke: “Sean Penn, Benicio del Toro and Leonardo DiCaprio are all here tonight for the category Least Eyes. Leo, why are you always squinting? I mean, I assume it’s to read your girlfriend’s ID. Just making sure that the year starts with a two.”

Other celebrities provided more challenging moments, with Glaser calling Julia Roberts “untouchable” when it comes to roasts.

“This was the joke I had written about [Roberts] where I literally thought I was going to be tarred and feathered after the show,” she told Stern of testing out her material with the actress. “Julia Roberts is nominated for After the Hunt. I don’t know what it’s about, but I’m assuming the hunt was to find someone who’s seen it.”