Tamar Braxton is looking to the future after surviving a suicide attempt almost a year ago. The former Braxton Family Values star and youngest sister of Toni Braxton opened up to PEOPLE Wednesday about the July 16, 2020 incident and how she's come to live her life in the aftermath. Shooting down the misconception that she was "on a binge" and "took a bunch of drugs," Braxton said she was living her everyday life and trying to "figure out how to get through the day" when she attempted suicide.
"That time of my life was so dark and so heavy," she explained. "I didn't see how I was going to come out on the other side. I didn't even know that there was another side. But I chose to change my life." Braxton was in the middle of filming her WE tv docuseries Tamar Braxton: Get Ya Life! at the time and said being in front of the camera constantly for years had taken a toll on her mental health.
She continued that she never truly dealt with having been molested repeatedly as a child, which she said was brought up in a 2018 taping without her consent. Whatever was filmed never aired, but Braxton called the experience "very traumatic." She continued that while she thought she had "successfully buried" that part of herself, it impacted her emotionally.
While she initially wanted to do television "about a positive Black family," she felt Braxton Family Values had taken on a different tone. When she said she voiced her concerns to producers, she felt "ignored," and things "really started to go downhill" for her. Thinking about son Logan, then 7, was part of what brought Braxton to her lowest point.
"I didn't want to continue being a disappointment for him. How can his friends' parents respect me if this is what they see every day? I wouldn't let my kid go over to a child's house if this is what was portrayed on television. In my sickness, I thought that if I can take the embarrassment out of his life, maybe he would have a chance to have the best life," she shared. Since that thought, she's gotten new clarity. "I know now that that probably would have destroyed him, that the best life that I can set for him is to be the example, get counseling and show him how to communicate," she said. While Braxton still has a love for television, she "definitely" is never doing another docuseries about her life. I'm dedicated to being the best mom, the best person I can be," she said. "I am moving forward."
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741-741.