Kara Keough is keeping her son with her always. Two months after baby McCoy died due to complications during childbirth, the Real Housewives of Orange County alum got a tattoo using ink infused with his ashes as a tribute to his memory. Keough, who also shares a 4-year-old daughter with husband Kyle Bosworth, shared a photo on Instagram of her new body art Monday after the family's loss on April 12, just six days after McCoy was born.
Cuddling a bear that is "exactly 11 pounds and 4 ounces," the size of McCoy when he was born, Keough wrote that it was also "exactly the size of the hole in my heart." Thanks to the gift, however, the reality personality said her "arms don't feel so painfully empty." She continued, "I can't quite articulate how much carrying the exact weight of McCoy against my body grounds me. I think my physical need for him will be there forever, the heaviness of his absence always present."
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Getting the tattoo was a way that "my baby can be with me always," she wrote. "He can stay forever in my arms this way, in the place he last rested." The Bravo star noted that while she feels "privileged" in her grief, having so much support in this moment, she added that it's "very hard to feel lucky right now."
She went on to recall several encounters with well-meaning people who didn't know about the loss of her baby. "When I say 'It's okay,' I don't mean 'I'm okay,' I'm saying I know you didn't know," she explained. "But I promise, you're not upsetting me by 'reminding' me, I'll never need a reminder. I'm just sad that the answer to your question isn't what I hoped it would be."
The blogger concluded her note with a message of thanks to her "Instead Mamas," writing, "I thank you especially for all the continued comfort, encouragement, and love. And you're right, it is getting easier to bear. (Look! I even did a pun. Good for me.)"
Keough broke the news of her son's death back in April. "Weighing in at 11 pounds and 4 ounces and spanning 21 inches, McCoy surprised us all with his size and strength (and overall perfection)," she wrote in part on Instagram, explaining that he suffered "shoulder dystocia and a compressed umbilical cord" during birth. "He joined our Heavenly Father and will live forever in the hearts of his loving parents, his adoring sister, and those that received his life-saving gifts," she added.