Rascal Flatts' Jay DeMarcus released a new memoir, Shotgun Angels: My Story of Broken Roads and Unshakeable Hope, out on Tuesday, April 30. The book reveals plenty of details, both highs and lows, about his personal life, including that he has a child that was given up for adoption, although that wasn't necessarily his choice.
In Shotgun Angels (via PEOPLE), DeMarcus recalls that he was only dating his then-girlfriend, Maggie, for one month, when she became pregnant, after they slept together for the first time – and last – time. But when the condom broke, DeMarcus had a feeling they were in trouble.
"We’d had sex one time, but I knew it," DeMarcus remembered. "I knew she was pregnant."
At the time, DeMarcus was just getting his music career off the ground, with the Christian duo East to West (with Neal Coomer), and knew that having a child out of wedlock would likely be detrimental to his future, if he wanted to be a Christian artist.
“[Maggie and I] discussed many options, including getting married and raising the child ourselves, but we quickly determined we’d be making that decision for the wrong reason,” DeMarcus wrote. “Abortion was never an option, so we began to discuss adoption.”
“It became evident that Maggie wanted nothing to do with me," he added. "There was no interest in the two of us somehow working things out so we might raise our child together.”
In spite of the potential hardships, DeMarcus very much wanted to be in his child's life, but Maggie reportedly refused.
“Her mother, Maggie, didn’t want either one of us in her life," DeMarcus shared. "That was a hard pill to swallow. I understand that sometimes life sends us reeling because of unexpected situations. But my heart in that moment, though scared, still desired to be in this beautiful child’s life.”
When DeMarcus' own mother found out she was going to be a grandmother, she offered to raise the child herself, but Maggie's mind was allegedly already made up. Still, the Christian music industry found out the musician had gotten his girlfriend pregnant, which virtually ended East to West.
“I understand, I guess, but it does seem that many Christians all too often kills their wounded instead of taking time to be there to help pick someone up,” DeMarcus reflected.
The 47-year-old hopes that someday his daughter will find out who he is, and hopefully want to connect with her biological father.
“My heart finds satisfaction in knowing that she ended up with a wonderful family, but I’ve had to live with this my entire life,” said DeMarcus. “The adoptive family was supposed to give her a letter when she turned 14, explaining that I loved her, did not abandon her, and have tried several ways to make it possible to be in her life.”
Shotgun Angels: My Story of Broken Roads is currently available for purchase on Amazon.
Photo Credit: Getty images/Rick Diamond