Ellen DeGeneres is weighing in on the essential issues: which cartoon characters are gay? In a monologue on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, the host dubbed herself the "nation’s leading expert on gay," and decided to give her audience the rundown of which iconic cartoons she thought were members of the LGBT community, staring with Velma from Scooby-Doo. Velma's sexuality has long been debated, and the latest internet discussion was what prompted Ellen's monologue in the first place.
"People online are once again debating whether Velma is a lesbian," Ellen began. "So here are my thoughts. First of all, she's a cartoon character so no one should really care about her sexuality. Secondly, just 'cause she wears those clothes and has short hair doesn't mean she's a lesbian. And third, obviously, she's a lesbian. Come on. Velma, she's on our team."
Ellen continued, pointing out that Velma "does all the things that lesbians do. She has short hair. She has thick glasses. She solves mysteries. She's basically the Rachel Maddow of cartoons. I heard that she's trying to get the rest of the gang to trade in the Mystery Machine for the Subaru Outback."
"As the nation's leading expert on gay," the Game of Games host, "I will take a look at some other characters people have speculated about," continuing with Peppermint Patty from Peanuts. "Let's look at the evidence here," Ellen quipped. "She wears Birkenstocks. Her name is Patty. Her best friend calls her Sir, which is short for Sir-iously gay." She also name-checked Spongebob Squarepants, saying that he "He spends a lot of time with his friend Patrick. He has a pet snail. I don't know if that's gay. It just sounds like it is though."
Ellen jokingly cleared up the common misconception that Bugs Bunny was gay, saying that "he was just kinky" due to his cross-dressing. She also didn't see where the idea that Elsa from Frozen was a lesbian, saying "I guess as soon as a Disney princess doesn't spend the entire movie pursuing a man, that makes her gay."
To conclude her spiel, Ellen riffed on some other cartoon characters who pinged her gaydar. "Snagglepuss? Gay. Ursula? Gay. He-Man? Gay. Yogi and Boo-Boo? Gay. Flounder? Gay. Four of the seven dwarfs? Gay. Jiminy Cricket? Gay. The candlestick from Beauty and the Beast? French or gay, same thing."