Caitlyn Jenner Reveals She Once Considered Suicide: ‘Seemed Like the Easy Way Out’

In an effort to raise awareness of the suicide rates among transgender people, Caitlyn Jenner is opening up about her own ordeal with suicidal thoughts.

Before making her public transition in 2015, Caitlyn Jenner says she struggled with suicidal thoughts that, at one point, nearly led her to take her own life. Now, the 68-year-old is opening up about her struggles in the hopes of raising awareness about the high suicide rates among transgender people.

“One time in my life, I actually thought about it [suicide],” Jenner revealed, according to the Mirror. “I’ll never forget it. It was about six months before I came out, and I had a picture.”

The picture, according to Jenner, was one that TMZ had taken just after Jenner had left the back entrance of a building in Beverly Hills. Having just had her tracheal shaved, there was a small bandage. Jenner explained how that night, she received a call from the publication claiming that they had the picture, stating “‘So, this is the beginning of transition.’”

After having endured countless tabloids placing her face on women’s bodies and constant comments regarding a possible transition, Jenner revealed that she considered ending her pain when she discovered the story was going to be released.

“And that night, I knew that that picture was coming out. And that night, I remember I couldn’t sleep. And I’m walking up and down the halls in my house, all by myself. And I’m thinking to myself, ‘You know what? I’ve got a gun in the other room. I could go in, use it, no more pain, move on,’” she said. “It seemed like the easy way out.”

Jenner decided not to follow through with her thoughts, however, explaining how she cleared her head the following day and re-examined her thoughts.

“The next day I get up and I went for a walk and I’m walking through this field all by my little lonesome out in the woods. And I’m walking through this field and I’m thinking to myself, ‘Wasn’t that like the stupidest thing you could possible do?’” she said. “And that is silence your voice. Why don’t you look at this thing a little bit differently? What don’t you open up your voice? Why don’t you tell your story? That was kind of my low-point in life. And from then on, I never thought about it again.”

Jenner, who recounted her journey in her autobiography The Secrets Of My Life, has since been selected to deliver this year’s keynote speech on diversity. The annual address took place Wednesday, May 9, at the House of Commons in London. The event, now in its third year, began as a way to give public figures a platform to speak about issues related to diversity plaguing the entertainment industry.