Backstreet Boys Singer Reveals Update on Separation From His Wife

AJ McLean and his wife Rochelle are putting in the work when it comes to their marriage. After announcing in March that they had separated “temporarily” to work on themselves and their relationship, the 45-year-old Backstreet Boys singer revealed on the Sex, Lies, and Spray Tans podcast that things have been improving with his wife.

“We still live separately, but we are in couples therapy. We are in individual therapy. We talk every day. We are spending more time together,” said AJ, who tied the knot with Rochelle in 2011 before welcoming their children Elliott, 10, and Lyric, 6. “We just have to rebuild something that was never there from the beginning.” AJ revealed that one of his friends had explained their marital issues in this way, “You guys were ball gagged, handcuffed, ankle cuffed, thrown in the water and said, ‘Be in a relationship,’” which made things “impossible” at the time.

“I came with baggage, she came with baggage. She had trauma, I had trauma. I wasn’t sober or even ready to get sober, she was dealing with her own s-,” he continued. “It was just a constant push-pull. She would sweep her feelings under the rug, I would do the same thing or I’d dive into a bottle. Now, it’s taken this time apart for us to really do some serious growing and understanding and listening.”

AJ shared that he’s been living by the word “LUVER” lately, which stands for listen, understand, be vulnerable, have empathy, and reiterate. “If you and I are having a conversation and you’re telling me your feelings, I’m validating your feelings, I’m hearing your feelings and I have empathy, because normally I would twist it and make it about me. Not anymore,” he explained. “LUVER is a great way to communicate not only with your partner, but just people in general. Have empathy, listen to them, validate their feelings because they are their feelings. It doesn’t matter if you agree with it, but it’s their feelings. They own that.” Approaching things in that way has made things “much, much healthier,” he admitted.

AJ and Rochelle announced their separation back in March in a mutual statement. “Marriage is hard, but worth it. We have mutually decided to separate temporarily to work on ourselves, and on our marriage with the hope of building a stronger future,” the two said at the time. “The plan is to come back together and continue to nurture our love for one another, and our family. We ask for respect and privacy at this time. Separation is hard enough without the commentary, please be kind and remember there are children involved.”