Chrissy Teigen Reveals She Can’t Remember Her Wedding

Chrissy Teigen doesn’t hide her real-life problems just because she’s one of the most famous people in the world. The Cravings cookbook author told Vanity Fair in her and husband John Legend‘s cover story that she struggles with anxiety — so much so that she doesn’t allow herself to hold on to powerful memories, whether they’re joyful or traumatizing.

In fact, her anxiety is so severe she said she doesn’t even remember specifics about her wedding. “Teigen says that because of her anxiety, she can’t hold on to memories of trauma or even triumph. Her wedding is a blur, as is the period during high school when her mother disappeared from her life,” Karen Valby writes for Vanity Fair.

Teigen’s mother, Pepper, traveled home to Thailand after the deaths of her parents and stayed there in a depression, away from Teigen, her half-sister and her father for years while Teigen was growing up. When Pepper finally came back to the United States, she was amazed how Teigen took her back with open arms. “She just wants to hold my hand again and drag me around everywhere,” Pepper told Vanity Fair through tears. “Even now, you know, she’s like ‘Mom, let’s go to Rodeo Drive!’”

“I think I’m such an open person now because everyone in my family has always been so hush-hush,” Teigen said. “I love attention and affection. I want to be direct with everyone.”

Even in day-to-day life, Teigen said she can’t escape her anxiety, always coming up with worst-case scenarios.

“I’ll get a new dog and be like, This dog is going to die in my lifetime. The second we land somewhere on vacation I think, Oh, it’s going to be so sad to pack,” she explained. “I’ve never said, ‘Oh, I’m so excited for this job.’ I’m more, One day it’s just going to end.”

She even turned down a high-profile nighttime talk show gig because it was “too much attention and focus on me.” But she tries hard not to let her anxiety cripple her ambition. “I’m anxious but I still have an ego. I feel like opportunities will come back to me when I’m more ready and more stable,” she said.

Teigen and Legend married in 2013 following Legend’s 2011 proposal. They welcomed daughter Luna in 2016 and son Miles in 2018.