5 WWE Stars You Don’t Invite To Thanksgiving

Deciding who to invite to your house for Thanksgiving is always such a struggle. There’s the aunt who always brings that weird jello with the fruit in it, the uncle who is a little too ready to tell you “what’s wrong with America,” and the lonely neighbor who dives a little too deep into the boxed wine. Inviting the wrong mix of family and friends can ruin your entire holiday, and if you’re as big a wrestling fan as I am, that list is even harder to narrow down. That’s why I’m here to help you sort out your invite list by giving you the 5 WWE stars you definitely DO NOT want to invite to Thanksgiving.

5. Braun Strowman

Did you see what the former Wyatt Family member did to poor James Ellsworth at the Survivor Series? All James did was hold Braun’s foot for a few seconds. Imagine if your grandma made a sideways comment about Braun needing to trim up that beard or he’ll never get a job. Strowman would not think twice about throwing your poor old grandmother (and her oxygen tank) off the second story deck down into that heap of spare car parts your uncle is collecting for no apparent reason.

Dear God, please do not invite Braun Strowman to your house for Thanksgiving! 

4. The Repo Man

The one day of the year that you bring out your find china and you want to invite the WWE’s most infamous thief? Are you serious? The average repo man’s job is to take back an item that has not been paid for. But the WWE’s Repo Man would steal the belt right out of your pants. Look at him, he’s wearing the mask of a 1950’s cartoon criminal and carrying around a hook like he’s going to steal the bumper off your Toyota Celica without thinking twice. Do NOT let this guy anywhere near your valuables!

3. Mojo Rawley

Thanksgiving is a time for quiet reflection. Do you really want to spend your meal looking at a guy in Zubaz jumping up and down yelling, “BRO, you gonna eat those cranberries?!? BRO, pass me that turkey! You know you need protein to make a bro lean!” Trust me, you do not. Also, if you invite Mojo, you’re getting Zack Ryder too and your little cousin is going to feel real awkward when Ryder keeps challenging him to a push-up contest. Please do NOT invite Mojo Rawley to Thanksgiving!

2. The Shockmaster

I know this one is tempting, because his sparkly helmet seems like the perfect accessory to your festive decorations. Inviting The Shockmaster would be a mistake. First, he’ll bust a hole in your drywall while turning to grab a slice of pumpkin pie. Next, he’ll trip over his flowing black robe and knock your Aunt Deloris off the back porch. Finally, he’ll cost your hundred of dollars in damage when his bedazzled stormtrooper helmet falls off and cracks that new tile floor you just put down in the kitchen. Please do not invite The Shockmaster to your Thanksgiving feast! 

1. George The Animal Steele

George The Animal Steele is one of the most beloved figures in all of wrestling history, but he would make a horrible Thanksgiving guest. You ever seen George in a shirt? Me neither. No one is going to want to eat that green bean casserole once they see it mixed with a few strands of George’s loose body hair. Gross. And those new couch pillows you bought that are just for decoration and not really for anyone to lay on … yeah, George is going eat those. Literally. Good luck trying to take those $75 throw pillows back to West Elm once George has ravaged through them with his gnarly teeth and big green tongue. Oh, and did you forget the way he used to look at Miss Elizabeth? If you don’t want all your guests to be super creeped out by the way The Animal leers at your cousin Jessica, please DO NOT invite George The Animal Steele to your Thanksgiving party!