Rejoice! Money in the Bank, WWE‘s 3rd best pay-per-view of the year, is tonight. What makes MiTB so special is that we, as fans, know something has to happen. WWE must declare direction, they must make choices which enable the best part of being a wrestling fan in 2017: Criticizing WWE’s picks.
But seriously, things have to transpire tonight! No more place holding feuds and meaningless matches, tonight we get real consequences. How lovely!
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Up Next: Did WWE Give Away Women’s Money in the Bank Spoiler?
This installment of Money in the Bank will be historical because this year we’re getting 2 ladder matches. For me, I’m thrilled to watch the Women’s MiTB match, it has potential to be all-time good.
Let’s not ignore the rest of the card, though. There’s plenty to get excited about – the New Day’s first big match as members of Team Blue, Lana’s new finisher and Shinsuke Nakamura‘s 10-minute entrance.
Unfortunately simply predicting how every match will conclude just isn’t fun anymore. With so many rumors and spoilers looming, there’s no risk in choosing the winners of every match. So let’s spruce it up a bit. Here are 5 Oddly Specific Predictions for Money in the Bank:
WWE Will Set Up Nakamura vs. Styles for SummerSlam
Matches that use a whole section of WWE talent usually serve as a starting point for multiple angles. Tonight will be no different.
SmackDown’s upper-mid card has been frozen, as all of that rank is involved in this MiTB match. When the dust settles, WWE will find itself hunting for viable SummerSlamย feuds. Rumors already have WWE placing emphasis on the Brooklyn base pay-per-view, to the point where it may be booked like WrestleMania Light.
It’s already far too documented how poor WWE’s ratings have been as of late and it feels like WWE is stirring back to life. With audibles being considered for Brock Lesnar along with juicy rumors on the usage for Roman Reignsย and John Cena, the idea of WWE making SummerSlam a dream card is becoming a reality.
If a dream card is what WWE is cooking up, then AJ Styles vs. Nakamura is what we’ll get. How we arrive there is up to the writers, but look for it to being tonight.
The New Day Will Easily Beat The Usos
According to oddsmakers, The New Day will enter Money in the Bank as underdogs. I think there’s been some oversight.
Tonight marks the New Day’s first big match as members of SmackDown. Their return was heavily promoted and WWE went as far as opening the budget for a brass band parade at the New Orleans SmackDown.
For the New Day, it’s simple – they make money. Teams that make money get to win championships. As good as the Usos have been, The New Day are one of WWE’s best guns at the moment. Why would WWE put them anywhere but the top?
Sami Zayn’s Big Ladder Spot Will Cost Him the Match
Picture This:
Sami Zayn huffing and puffing at the top of that ladder. He cranks his head upwards, admiring the swinging briefcase. The fans are clamoring for him to take it. But Kevin Owens is lying in a precarious posotion.
Zayn looks the fans. Then to the briefcase. Down to Owens. Back to the fans. Then does a 20 ft flop onto Owen’s corpse. The fans go nuts and, like clock work, break into a “This is Awesome” chant.
Sami get a cool highlight, but misses becoming a substantlal player in WWE.
Babyfaces are dumb.
Tonight Will Mark the Rise of Becky Lynch
Full disclosure: I’m pulling for Becky.
So now that my journalist integrity has been set ablaze, we can continue unabashed.
Yes, I hope Becky wins, not just because I dig her, but because it’s so obviously the right call. For months now, it feels like Becky has just been wandering around SmackDown. Something was bubbling with Charlotte, but this ladder match casts a long shadow – squelching whatever was developing between the two.
Becky is right to pick to win, for many reasons, but mainly because everyone else is the wrong call. Carmella is still too green. Charlotte is a walking main event, so she simply doesn’t need it. Natalya would be WWE going backwards. And Tamina is the worst Nia Jax impersonator in WWE.
Some people say the briefcase is inherently a heel gimmick. But for someone like Lynch, it might as well be a rocket launcher. People are dying to cheer for her, she just hasn’t been around anything significant in a while.
What’s even better is how the crowd will explode once she cashes in on Lana during the next episode of SmackDown.
Jinder Mahal Will Hurt Old Men
Oh man. This one is too easy.
For some reason, WWE has advertised Randy Orton’s father, Cowboy Bob Orton’s appearance at Money in the Bank. Also, there’s going to be a “Legends” thingy.
Hmm.
This can only play out one way. As we all know, WWE likes to do weird things to their wrestlers in their hometowns. While Randy Orton will be losing to Jinder Mahal, the Modern Day Maharaja is going to take things a step further.
This brooding anti-American, with the physique of a racehorse, is going to get physical with some old dudes. If WWE could do it, they’d plant a few “War Veterans” in the front row. Since they just can’t do that in 2017, WWE will have to settle for Cowboy Bob getting a noogie and a wedgie.
