Catelynn Lowell suffered from suicidal thoughts after miscarrying her baby, she revealed on Teen Mom OG Monday.
The 25-year-old MTV cast member has been in treatment for mental health on and off since November, when the latest episode of the reality series was filmed.
Earlier in the series, Lowell and her husband Tyler Baltierra were overjoyed to find out they were expecting another baby together.
The two are already parents to 3-year-old Novalee, and gave up a baby for adoption together when they were on 16 and Pregnant.
But in Monday's episode of Teen Mom OG, Lowell reveals she lost the baby, which sent her into a deep depression for which she is seeking help.
"I feel like maybe it just wasn't the right time. Thank God for kids and husbands," she shared with a producer after confirming the news during a doctor visit. "If they weren't around, I probably would have offed myself, seriously. I mean, I'm sure a lot of people can relate. Like, it's like I don't want to live another day like this, you know?"
While she initially seemed to be holding it together, Lowell broke down while speaking to her husband.
"You'd be super proud of me today. I have, like, the anxiety and I've been working through it. I walked outside, I just kept talking to myself, saying, 'You're beautiful, you're smart, you're strong. You're beautiful, you're smart, you're strong,'" Lowell explained through tears. Baltierra added, "That's good, honey, because you are beautiful and smart and strong. You are. You really are, honey."
Baltierra also opened up to a producer about the moment he found out about his wife's miscarriage, comparing it to giving up daughter Carly for adoption.
"We just sat in the bed and cried and just held each other. I mean, there's nothing you can really do, so it felt very similar to Carly," he explained. "I mean, Carly's a little different, because we have to—we get to see her every year, but it's a loss, and you feel it. Like, I feel like you process it as a loss. So I guess it's something I didn't really understand before."
The cameras also captured an emotional moment between the couple when Lowell realized she needed to seek help.
"I'm on my way to the airport. I'm going to treatment," Lowell tells her mother-in-law, Kim, on the phone while in the car with husband Baltierra. When asked why she's going, she starts crying and reveals, "I contemplated every single way that I could kill myself today."
"You're a great mother. You're a great wife. We're gonna be praying for you every day," Baltierra's mom tells Lowell, who says she's planning to stay in treatment for 30 days. "I'm really, really happy that you're going get help, seriously. You got this."
Lowell expressed a similar statement to her fans on Twitter in November, writing "Well today I thought of every way to kill myself… so I'm going to treatment."
Baltierra has been incredibly supportive of his wife taking her mental health into her own hands throughout these past few months.
Early in February, her visited his wife during Family Week at the treatment center.
"Seeing this gorgeous woman & all the work she has done has given me such hope, a feeling of peace, and unconditional love that is hard to explain with words," he wrote on Instagram.
"It was a very emotionally intense Family Week Program, but I know that our love & commitment towards each other will persevere through anything this life throws our way," he added.
"I'm so proud of you Babe & I can't wait until you finally come home so I can just hug you & hold you for as long as I want," he went on. "You are worthy … You are strong … You are beautiful … You are loved! Thank you for not giving up on your life."0comments
Teen Mom OG air Mondays at 9 p.m. ET on MTV.
Photo Credit: MTV