Kristin Cavallari Reveals What ‘Devastated’ Her About ‘Laguna Beach’

Kristin Cavallari’s return to reality television wasn’t without some trepidation.

The former Laguna Beach and The Hills cast member is returning to her place in front of the cameras eight years later for her series premiere of Very Cavallari on E! this Sunday, now as a mom of three and married to husband Jay Cutler.

It’s a lot different being filmed at 31 as a businesswoman concentrating on her Uncommon James brand, she revealed to PEOPLE ahead of the premiere.

“In my early 20s I was a mess, and I was just trying to figure it all out,” Cavallari told the publication. “But now, being married and being a mom, I know I’m where I’m supposed to be. And it’s a great feeling.”

She added that she had stuck by her guns in not allowing any of her three children, 5-year-old Camden, 4-year-old Jaxon or 2-year-old Saylor, on the E! series.

“I wanted to get back in to reality, but not have the focus be too heavy on me and my family. So this was the perfect way to do it,” she said.

She also made sure that she would have full creative control of the series as an executive producer this time around, which she said was important based on how her first run-in with reality TV went on Laguna Beach when she was just 17.

“I didn’t know what I was getting into,” said Cavallari. “I was just going about my life and doing what producers were asking me to do. When I saw the first season, I was devastated about how I was portrayed.”

She continued: “I came across as terribly b—y. And I also felt as though my real-life boyfriend [Stephen Colletti] was being put in situations he normally wouldn’t have been in. They were making it seem like there was this love triangle [with co-star Lauren Conrad].”

After another season of feeling that way, Cavallari said, “I really stayed away from reality TV.” But in 2009, when Conrad dropped out of The Hills, Cavallari agreed to “an offer I couldn’t refuse.”

Things were different for her that time around, she added. “I looked at The Hills like a job. I had my life on the show, and the lines weren’t blurred. So it was really fun for me. I took control and I had a good experience doing it,” she said.

On Very Cavallari, “I’m working with people who really value my creative direction and think that I bring something to the table,” said Cavallari. “I’m more confident than I’ve ever been before.”

Very Cavallari premieres Sunday, July 8 at 10 p.m. ET on E!

Photo credit: Instagram/Kristin Cavallari