Nikki Bella and twin sister Brie Bella tackled the subject of postpartum depression during the latest episode of The Bellas Podcast Wednesday. Nikki, who welcomed son Matteo with Dancing with the Stars pro Artem Chigvintsev, said she was knocked "on my ass" by postpartum depression and "hated" her fiance at one point. Bella and Chigvintsev welcomed Matteo on July 31, while Brie and husband Daniel Bryan welcomed their second child, Buddy, the very next day.
"I love being the best, I want to be number one. ... I've realized I've taken that mentality as a mom," Nikki explained. "I’ve always prided myself that I can fight a lot of things mentally. I'm very strong in that way." But, she said postpartum depression "knocked me on my ass. This is something that is way different."
Bella, 36, "refused to ask for help" while caring for her first son and suffered a "massive breakdown" while shooting new episodes of the sisters' reality series Total Bellas. Brie soon realized something was wrong with her sister and asked Bella how she was doing. Nikki pretended she was fine at first, but she "burst into alligator tears" and "broke down."
The former WWE star said she was not aware of the mental health struggles she would face after welcoming her son. "You go the path of being healthy or you go down the path of being depressed, and that depression path can be a really dark, deep hole. I was starting to feel invisible," she said, reports PEOPLE. While Bella did not blame Chigvintsev, she said she felt "lonely and not loved and invisible" when alone with Matteo.
At one point, Chigvintsev told her he felt like she was "starting to hate me." "I’m not gonna lie, I did have moments of being mean," Bella admitted. "I did have moments when I looked at him and I hated him. It’s true. There were times I’d look at him and I’m like, ‘I think I hate you.'" Brie said she understood where her sister was coming from, adding that she also had "a little bit of postpartum depression."
In last week's Bellas Podcast episode, Bella detailed her postpartum sex life with Chigvintsev, who is dancing with Kaitlyn Bristowe on the ongoing season of Dancing With The Stars. She said the two are "already" having sex. "I didn't even make it to the six-week point, I just started at five. I was like I'm healed, I'm fine," she said. "Even though last night it didn't seem fine, but that's okay. It was a little different." She went on to say it felt like her "organs were about to drop out," which was even a little too much detail for Brie. "Okay Nicole, enough about all the gross stuff going on with our vaginas, especially yours," Brie said.