Nikki Bella Reveals 'Massive Breakdown' Amid Struggle With Postpartum Depression

While Nikki Bella and fiancé Artem Chigvintsev are celebrating the recent birth of their sweet [...]

While Nikki Bella and fiancé Artem Chigvintsev are celebrating the recent birth of their sweet baby boy Matteo, Bella recently revealed she is suffering from postpartum depression. Completely unaware of what the very reality of postpartum depression entails, Bella admits she even got to the point of hating Chigvintsev. Admitting that she didn't reach out for help, she finally came to the realization she needed some after her sister Brie Bella checked in on her.

"I've always prided myself that I can fight a lot of things mentally," the 36-year-old said on the Total Bellas Podcast. "I'm very strong in that way. Postpartum has knocked me on my ass. This is something that is way different." She continued to say, "I think [my twin sister], Brie [Bella], was the first person who's asked me in weeks: 'How are you doing?' I was about to say, 'Fine.' And my lips started shaking and I burst into alligator tears. Like, I broke down. Because that was the first time someone asked me in a while how I was doing, and I wasn't doing OK."

Bella admitted that she had a "massive breakdown" while shooting Total Bellas after denying the thought of needing help. "This past week, Brie and I, we were in Phoenix packing up our homes, filming Total Bellas. I had Matteo on my own; still had a whole house to pack up — I did have help on that, but you still have to do so much — filming on top of it, and I had a massive breakdown."

She also explained she was unaware of what can take place following the birthing process. "I didn't realize at week seven, you kind of come out of your baby blues and [...] go two different paths. You go the path of being healthy or you go down the path of being depressed, and that depression path can be a really dark, deep hole. I was starting to feel invisible. [...] It just started to build up. Being alone with Matteo and just feeling lonely and not loved and invisible."

While the former professional wrestler and reality star has gushed over being a new mommy, she's also had challenging moments with her beau. Bella admitted several times she wanted Chigvintsev to go back on Dancing with the Stars, but that's been a challenge for her. Between the time away and also dealing with new emotions, she admitted she started seeing him differently. "He's like, 'At times, I felt like you were starting to hate me,'" Bella explained. "He's like, 'You could be mean.' And I'm not gonna lie, I did have moments of being mean. I did have moments when I looked at him and I hated him. It's true. There were times I'd look at him and I'm like, 'I think I hate you.'"