Amy Schumer vowed to love her new husband in sickness and in head.
The comedic actress secretly married chef Chris Fischer earlier this month in front of a small A-list audience, and the newlywed visited close friend and wedding guest Nikki Glaser to dish on the intimate affair.
Schumer appeared on Glaser's SiriusXM show, You Up with Nikki Glaser, to give listeners an inside look at what went down at her low-key Malibu ceremony, including their NSFW vows.
The Trainwreck actress said she spent about 20 minutes penning her vows, which she said "sucked."
"In my vows, I go, 'But I promise I'll keep going down on you, even through everyone tells me I won't,'" she recalled, but luckily, her cookbook author husband returned the awkward sentiment.
"He was like, 'The other day I lost a tennis match and you called me a f—ing loser,'" Schumer said. "It was all like, awful s—."
Since her Feb. 13 wedding, Schumer said she's been "wife as hell."
"Somebody went to sit next to [Chris] and he's like, 'My wife is sitting here,' and then I got back and he was excited to tell me that he said that. I just have been really overusing it to a degree that's insane. Like, when it's completely uncalled for," the newlywed gushed.
Taking a somewhat serious turn, Schumer told Glaser "it feels f—ing good" to be married.
"Part of the thing that's good about us getting married so quickly is that we're so in love," she said. "Every girl I know, if they get proposed to they're like, 'Oh, now? Now that I can't have kids!'"
The couple has kept a low profile throughout their relationship, of which little is known. Schumer and Fischer were first photographed in November 2017 at a restaurant, and the actress confirmed their romance on Instagram just days before their nuptials.
She posted a photo of them sharing a kiss during Ellen DeGeneres' 60th birthday party to make things Insta-official, and her next post confirmed their star-studded wedding.
The couple was married outdoors in Malibu in front of about 80 people, which included friends Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lawrence, Chelsea Handler, Jake Gyllenhaal and Larry David, among others.
Comedian John Early officiated the casual ceremony while dressed in drag as one of his most famous characters, Vicky, a sassy, chain-smoking midwesterner portrayed most famously in his episode of The Characters on Netflix.
"I got a text from Amy Schumer about three nights before the wedding that said, 'Will you officiate my wedding as Vicky? Adele backed out,'" Early told Vulture of their plans. "I was paralyzed for probably 20 minutes and I considered saying no, because it just seemed too overwhelming, and then I realized that I would never forgive myself if I said no. It just made for such a good story, I just had to do it."0comments
Playing off Schumer's wild vows, Early shared his opening line with Vulture: "Dearly beloved — and Seth Meyers — we are gathered here today for what I've just been told is a Jewish wedding."
Photos confirmed that the ceremony kept up with at least some Jewish tradition as Fischer appeared to smash a glass at the conclusion of the ceremony. It isn't clear is Fischer identifies as Jewish, but Schumer was raised in the religion.