Why Jinger Duggar Was Afraid to Have Kids

She says growing up within a strict religious doctrine gave her a negative connotation about motherhood and childbearing.

Despite being part of a large family, Jinger Duggar wasn't necessarily interested in following in her parent's footsteps by having as many children as she could, or even any. But it had little to do with her love of children or motherhood dreams. Instead, it was all about trauma. Twhile appearing on a recent episode of The Unplanned Podcast with Matt and Abby Howard, Duggar, 30, and her husband Jeremy Vuolo opened up about how her strict religious upbringing impacted their relationship and her having negative feelings about motherhood. "I was never the one that was like, 'Give me your kid, I'm going to go babysit your kids for you,'" Duggar said. "I wanted to have kids, I was just really afraid of the thought of having as many as possible."

But falling in love with Vuolo changed her mind. She quickly learned that her church's leader reconstructed the Bible's teachings for his own gain.  "[I thought] that was what my destiny [would be]," she explained. "That was going to be it. I was going to get married and have a lot of kids. Once I realized that I don't need to have as many kids as possible, I felt a massive weight off of my shoulders."

Vuolo said one thing he noticed was that the Duggar kids were "always taught what to think but they were never taught how to think." Duggar grew up with 18 siblings. Vuolo also realized his wife was not in tune with her own personal desires or needs. Vuolo was also warned by Duggar's father, Jim Bob, to listen to the teachings of their religious leader, which he was against. 

Duggar grew up watching her female peers get married and began having children "until they couldn't have children anymore." She viewed it as a burden. "I saw so many moms in that setting who were so beat down," she recalled. "They were having child after child, they were on bedrest. They were so sick, the younger siblings were having to take care of the other kids for the nine months that the mom was sick. I was so afraid to think about that," she added.