Rachael Ray Says It’s ‘Healthy’ Getting Into ‘Screaming Matches’ With Husband John Cusimano

Rachael Ray isn’t against marital strife. The famous cook is sharing the key to her 19-year marriage, and it’s not all sweet desserts. Ray is married to John Cusimano, and she says honesty, even when harsh, it the best policy.

“It’s very hard, especially for hot-tempered or creative or vociferous—shall we say—loud people to be able to just calm it down,” the former talk show host explained on the Oct. 22 episode of her new podcast I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead. “John and I don’t calm it down ever. We have huge screaming matches all the time, but I think that’s healthy. I really do.”

Ray adds that she doesn’t “trust people that are too quiet,” saying it can have an adverse effect. “Too quiet freaks me out,” she added. “I prefer that you tell me what you think when you think it and let’s just get it all out there.”

When asked by her guest who is the first to admit their faults after a screaming match, Ray said, “I don’t know that we ever apologize to each other,” she confessed. “Eventually I pat him on his ass or he kisses me on the head, and that’s just sort of it. That’s the apology. It’s just sort of understood. ‘I still like your ass.’ ‘I still like your head.’ It’s kind of in that zone.”

Ray also opened up at the early days of their relationship. “When we met, he had no idea what I did,” she explained, “and I thought he was gay.” She became impressed by his knowledge of food and the fact that he cooked his own meals, saying, “It was so impressive.”

“He told me he was a lawyer,” she continued. “There’s no way a straight guy knows what tilapia is, or he was trying to spice it up with some homemade tomatillo salsa and he made maque choux spilling out of an avocado on the side.”