By most sane accounts, the House of Horrors match between Randy Orton and Bray Wyatt was an absolute disaster. The match that took place in a literal house that looked like it came from a student horror film had some claiming it made them ashamed to be wrestling fans. A friend of mine who has gotten paid American dollars to write creatively for a wrestling federation even texted me during the beginning of the match to say, “This is already the worst thing I’ve seen in wrestling.”
Look, I get it and I’m not here to tell you it was actually a good “match” or even entertaining television. It was awful. But in its awfulness, it was just as crucial to the fabric of wrestling as a four star match for the World Championship. Maybe even more so.
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Before the match ever happened, I wrote on this very site that if the House of Horrors was going to be bad (and pretty much everyone assumed it would) that it needed to go over the top and be ridiculously bad – it needed to go into Total Deletion, Sharknado territory for fans to feel like it was a success.
I was wrong. Despite my best prognastication, I had completely discredited the value of unintentional comedy’s place in wrestling history.
One of the things that made the first Sharknado such a cult hit is that the audience didn’t know if those who made the movie really knew how bad it was. When we found out they were in on the joke, it took most of the fun away.
Some of our fondest wrestling memories come from creative decisions that were so earnest and yet so horribly executed that they will forever live on in our hearts. When The Shockmaster crashed through the wall with a bedazzled stormtrooper helmet on, WCW genuinely thought he would be a star. WWE was genuinely trying to pull at our heartstrings when the Big Boss Man pulled The Big Show’s father’s casket out of his own funeral.
Wrestling is often the king of unintentional comedy. It’s at its best when it’s at its worst, and last night’s House of Horrors definitely fit the bill, giving current fans something that hasn’t been seen in a long time – a completely over the top angle worthy of ridicule. There were many good matches on last night’s card, but House of Horrors will be the one we’re still making fun of years down the road.
Here are four things that I’ll never forget about the battle for House supremacy.
The limo
Nothing says “I’m heading to fight for my soul in eternal damnation” like renting a stretch limo. It was one thing to see WWE Champion Randy Orton show up in the limo, but to see sadistic cult leader, Bray Wyatt, hop in the limo like a Bachelorette contestant who had just been sent home was just over the top amazing. It was like watching Jason Vorhees call for an Uber.ย
Getting in the limo wasn’t enough, though, as Bray told Randy’s driver, “to the arena.” Did the limo driver turn heel on Randy? Does he think all wrestlers look exactly the same? Why did he not even question the instructions?ย
Also, can’t Bray teleport? Wouldn’t this have been a good time to use that skill?
The furniture
Theย best part of the decor in Bray’s House of Horrors was not the dangling talking baby room. Oh no, it was the fact that he, like your grandma, still used a couch cover. The rest of the house can be as filthy as the pits of hell, but no one better spill grape juice on my sofa!ย
The refrigerator
The refrigerator was the biggest star in the House of Horrors match. After coming off the top with the big splash on Randy, Fridge Wyatt became an instant celebrity. But lets talk about what was on the fridge. First we have a non-descriptย symbol (No Squares?) scribbled on the front in mud. But on the side, Bray has also penciled out the words “Followed The Buzards” where most people would hang a calendar or their kids’ artwork.ย
Has this been written on the fridge to be used as a daily reminder for when Bray goes to get milk forย his Count Chocula?ย
I need to know.
Bray looked like a doofus … again
For an omnipotent lord of demonic powers, Bray Wyatt sure ends up looking like an idiot here. After returning to the ring in his luxury limo, Wyatt gleefully stands in the ring smiling as if he’d just got his first hit in little league baseball.
“Look mom, I won the House of Horrors!”
“He’s right behind me, isn’t he”
It really feels like the roles should have been reversed here, with Bray using his powers of teleportationย to get to the ring while Randy sipped Moetย in the back of the limo.ย
Even worse, it still took interference by J & J, I mean, the Singhย Brothers and Jinder Mahal for Bray to pick the victory in the match that he, himself, supposedly created.
Poor Bray.ย
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