Mackenzie McKee looked back at a difficult 2019 on New Year's Eve. Less than a month since the death of her mother Angie Douthit, the Teen Mom 2 star shared a lengthy reflection on the past year on Instagram. She paired the words with a sweet family photo featuring herself and her mother. Douthit passed away December 9 after years battling aggressive cancer.
"2019 deeply wounded me," McKee wrote in the beginning of the long caption. "It was the worst year of my life in several ways. I spent more nights this year crying myself to sleep, deep anxiety, horrible depression than all my years put together. Finding strength to wake up, be a mom, and run my business has been nearly impossible. I went from loving life to begging God to come take us all. If I ever have a year as painful as this one again, I know I won't survive it."
She continued: "From being betrayed, to watching my best friend/mother take her last breath, to watching my dad in so much pain, I wish to never relive this year. However some sweet Memories I have of this year. I got to travel several fun places with my mom. I got to watch her bring so many people to the lord and inspire hundreds of thousands on tv. Josh came to know the lord, i prayed for his salvation patiently for nearly 10 years. My kids were happy and healthy, and I have great friends.
View this post on Instagram
"Everyone seems excited for the new year, and i am usually excited to ring in the New Years," she wrote. "However, 2020 is a year I have to learn to live without my mom. The one who helped me through everything. The one who always believed in me. The year us kids have to watch our dad live without his sweet heart. I do not want to ring in the new year AT ALL.
"But one thing is for sure, God gives us a choice to live eternity in heaven one day. Where there is no pain and suffering and i can not WAIT for that day," she wrote. "Until then I pray to find myself again. Feel human, have motivation, learn to understand things, and live her legacy.
"Something tells me God wanted me to endure this kind of pain for some reason. Happy New Years. Photos done by @haaaley_d," she ended the post.
Fans of the reality star took to the comments section to send well wishes in the new year.0comments
"Happy New Year... continued thoughts and prayers [red heart emoji]," one user commented.
"God puts us through so many battles that we feel we can't over come(sic) so we enjoy the sweet moments that come our way so much more. He hurts us so we're able to feel born again. You can do this. I believe in you," another fan wrote.