Portwood tells her friend that while she was feeling particularly low following the birth of son James in May, she wasn't aware how bad things had gotten until she felt like she was drowning.
“I just didn’t know what [postpartum depression] felt like, because I had never experienced that before," she admits in the clip.
Her depression and anxiety have been been affecting her relationship with boyfriend Andrew Glennon as well, which she explains has "definitely been different" since they welcomed their son.
"We’re not as lovey on each other like we used to be," she continues. "We’re both really tired because of the baby, and we’re just stressed out because I'm always unhappy."
It's then that she drops a bomb on her friend, admitting, “There was a night where I was waiting on [Glennon] and James to go to bed so I could kill myself."
Luckily enough, Glennon felt something was wrong, "and he was like, 'I'm not going to bed,'" Portwood reveals.
Despite her friend telling the mother-of-two not to speak about ending her life like that, the reality personality explains, “It doesn’t feel good to go and do things. It doesn’t feel good to be alive right now. ...I just don’t want it to be like this for the rest of my life.”
She reveals that she reached out to fellow Teen Mom OG star Catelynn Lowell, who spent time in a mental health facility last year after experiencing suicidal thoughts herself, and was hoping to commiserate with her while trying to come back from such a difficult time emotionally. “What else can you throw at me?" she asks, breaking down in tears. "Just let me be for a little bit, please.”
Portwood has been open in the past about her diagnosis of borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder, explaining in November 2017 to Us Weekly that she had been weaning herself off of her medications in order to have a healthy pregnancy.
“I wanted to see if I was just unhappy because of the things that were going on in my life,” she explained at the time. “I needed to see where I was in my head and it’s a beautiful thing because I just feel better. I feel happier and not so depressed.”
If you’re thinking about suicide or are worried about a friend or loved one, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255.3comments
Teen Mom OG airs Mondays at 9 p.m. ET on MTV.
Photo credit: MTV