Bonnie Chapman is opening up about her last memory with her late mom Beth Chapman, who died at the age of 51 in June after a battle with cancer. Beth and Duane "Dog" Chapman's youngest daughter, 21, took to Instagram to reflect on 2019 as a whole, calling it the "worst year of my life."
Among other tragedies Chapman experienced in 2019, including the death of a best friend, she wrote about what it was like losing her mother, and revealed the last memory she and Beth ever made together.
"On June 22nd, I hopped on a plane to Honolulu. My mom was in a medical induced coma," she began. "My mother had told me last November she had a year left, and it not being November I genuinely thought she was gonna be ok. Until I saw her. This is very hard to relive, but seeing my mother in her hospital bed, skin and bones, it shook me to my core.
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"To see her so weak was one of the worst things I have ever experienced. We really weren't prepared. I had gone to therapy for 2 years preparing me for this very moment, yet I wasn't ready.
"My mother had woken up at one point, I apologized for being such a brat and she shook her head and assured me I wasn't. That's my last memory with her. A memory that comforts me sometimes, when I feel like I wasn't a good daughter. I checked up on my mother although we were states apart, I made sure to love her no matter what.
The Dog the Bounty Hunter star continued: "To this day my heart aches for my mama, I miss her. Every cell in my body misses her. I know she's in a better place with no pain, and that's all I could want. Is to see my mom cancer free and happy. I'm thankful she's cancer free now, and pain free. I'm sad to never see her again, but I wear her ashes around my neck everyday (sic) since. She's still with me."
Elsewhere in her year in review post, Chapman wrote that she "spiraled into a very dark place" after Beth died, "but after a couple weeks I remembered my mom wanted me to be happy. I tried to help my family cope in any way possible."
"To 2019, thank you for putting my through hell, I've grown as a woman. I've learned to channel my sadness, anger and confusion into art. I've learned to live life in the moment. Thank you for those who have been with me through every day and every struggle. I hope I've made you proud as well. To 2020, hopefully you'll be better."