Kissing is an underrated, but incredibly important skill in the bedroom. It’s key to lighting the fire during foreplay, establishing a connection during sex, and keeping the intimacy going in the afterglow.
But what exactly defines a good kisser? We took to the forums of Reddit to found out. Below is the sage advice of 10 women who know how they like their partners to use their lips.
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1. AsAlwaysItDepends:
“I think the best way to be a good kisser is to really pay attention to the kissing and to the person you are kissing.”
2. [deleted]:
“I have a feeling I was massively spoiled by this one guy when I was like in my early 20s because there’s never been another guy I enjoyed kissing as much as him. Not that all the others were bad or anything, just… uh, that guy could basically have kissed people for a living. Trying to remember what it was that made him so good at it: He was enthusiastic, but not aggressive. The way he kissed me always said ‘there’s nothing I’d rather be doing’ but I never felt like he was trying to eat my face. He knew how to use his tongue. He never just shoved it in my mouth. He didn’t have limp lip syndrome. It’s what I call it when you kiss somebody and it feels like they’re sleeping — they don’t do anything at all with their lips. I never ended up with spit all over my face. He nibbled. He was very playful in general when kissing, and he always smiled and did something cute (eskimo kisses make me giggle so sometimes he’d do that before kissing me).”
3. holys—nuggets:
“Limited use of tongue, not sloppy, biting my lip gently, running their hands through my hair or holding my face, switching up sides of the kissing, not keeping their lips tightly closed together (keeping them relaxed).”
4. [deleted]:
“Being engaged and into it, but not so enthusiastic that they make a mess of things. Tongue is great but also in moderation. And I think what someone does with their hands is super important too – grab my waist, cradle my face, tangle your fingers in my hair.”
5. bookwench:
“It’s about how much you’re paying attention to the other person, how focused you are in the moment. When a guy is intensely focused on how your lips feel and not in a rush, it’s really cool. Ditto for what makes a woman a good kisser—being in the moment, being focused on your partner.”
6. jewelrider:
“Soft, relaxed lips. Soft tongue. Nothing is worse to me than someone who kisses with a firm mouth and jabby tongue. Someone who doesn’t go from 0 to 60 and let’s there be some sensual build up. Be aware of your partner and what they are doing because kissing is something you do together, it shouldn’t be one sided.”
7. ProfoundlyMediocre:
“Don’t stick your tongue in there like you’re trying to thoroughly clean my mouth. It’s not all about tongue.”
8. solidad:
- Calm down and be observant while kissing the first few times (if you can…Since yeah, making out is awesome and distracting).
- Don’t eat her face. Match how open her mouth is as best you can.
- Your tongue doesn’t need to reach inside the throat or circle around her tongue like you are trying to win a tongue circling contest as fast as possible.
- Be aware of slobbering. A little is ok, but too much can be really uncomfortable. Swallowing often can help with this.
- Be observant even with your eyes closed. Feel for her lips to change position. If you are pecking, feel for her to tilt her head left or right. This is usually a sign to do more of a lip lock.
- It’s not a race. Slow and steady progression (or key into what progression feels right) is usually the best way to go.
- If she starts with French kissing and progresses backward to pecking, it might be a sign of being uncomfortable, or that she wants a break. Progression usually doesn’t lead backward, as far as I have seen.
- Take breaks.
9. doctorocelot: “Kissing is only 20% what you do with your lips and tongue. Embrace, carress, cup, pull toward you, or rub the back of your hand up the side of their waist; whatever. But that is where the feeling of intensity and passion comes from for me.”
10. MyVoreThrowaway: “It’s subjective, but for me it’s about anticipation, not rushing it and incorporating the jawline, neck, collar bones.”
Keep these pointers in mind the next time you’re on a date, and if you find yourself getting slobbered on, lead by example. If your partner is a keeper, they’ll follow your lead, and you’ll be exchanging luscious liplocks in no time.
