How I Stopped Feeling Like the Fat Friend

Do you ever feel like you’re the fat friend? The one who keeps her arms covered, the one that [...]

(Photo: Kaelin Poulin)

Do you ever feel like you're the fat friend? The one who keeps her arms covered, the one that doesn't think she can pull off the newest trends, and just doesn't feel happy?

I know what it's like, because for many years, I was the "fat friend." Throughout high school and into my early twenties I was 65 pounds overweight and felt anxious and depressed all the time. Even though no one ever called me the "fat friend," that's how I felt on the inside.

To me, being the fat friend meant sitting on the couch eating a bag of chips and a tub of cookie dough in one sitting. I was the one who faked a smile for pictures because deep down I was miserable. It meant I hated being in public and felt insecure even around my closest friends, who in reality, were my support group.

Read More: How To Overcome A Weight Loss Plateau

But, one day, at 23 years old, I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I knew I needed to make a drastic lifestyle change to boost my mental and physical health, and leave the "fat friend" mentality behind me, for good.

Here are my top 4 tips to start living and loving your life:

1. Quit believing your negative self-talk.

Here's the thing: if you continue to listen to the negative chatter in your head, you're never going to lose the weight, feel healthy, or love yourself.

Ask yourself right now: would I say these mean things to a friend? Would I call a friend lazy or fat? Would I tell my friend that she could never wear that crop top or that she looks awful in yoga pants? Of course NOT.

If you wouldn't say it to a friend, you shouldn't say it to yourself either.

Try writing down some positive self affirmations. Take every negative thought you have and flip it upside down.

If you hear yourself saying "I don't look good in anything," write down "I look amazing in anything I put on." Now, you're speaking positivity into your life.

Write these affirmations on your bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker and every morning, repeat them to out loud to yourself.

Words are powerful, more powerful than you realize.

2. Visual your goals

Right now I want you to write down your list of goals. I'll wait...

Got them?

Now close your eyes and envision yourself smashing the goals. Picture yourself 50 pounds lighter, on your trip in Europe and feeling confident out for a night with friends.

How do you feel?

Envision those goals until you can feel yourself becoming happier, healthier and more confident.

The thing is, our brain doesn't know the difference between visualizing a goal and reality. The more you picture your goals coming true, the more your brain thinks it's actually true. What that does is it lines up your subconscious body with your conscious body and allows them to come together to help you get to that goal.

3. Conquer your anxiety

When I decided I wanted to begin my weight loss journey, I felt lost. What program was best? What was a carb? Did I have to give up the food I loved?

Starting these new programs almost made me more anxious and more depressed than feeling good and feeling excited. Each time before I'd start a new program, I'd think back to all the times a program had failed.

At times, I even thought I might as well just stay overweight because then I don't feel the pressure and the anxiety to find the proper plan for me. I started to realize these programs were setting me up to fail because none of these programs taught me what being healthy meant.

How much water should I be drinking? How do I cook healthy?

Ask yourself, "am I feeling pressure from my plan or am I feeling empowered to lose the weight from my plan?" or, "am I learning the things I need to learn in order to have a healthy lifestyle?"

If we aren't learning how to have a healthy lifestyle, we aren't going to reach our long term goals.

Along my journey of losing 65 pounds I mapped out all of the lies I had learned about weight loss and I put them into a book, which I appropriately titled Big Fat Lies. I share how I have kept my weight off for almost six years without giving up things I love like pizza and ice cream.

Throughout my fitness journey there were times I still had this negativity pop into my mind and I realized the best way to silence it, was to fight it.

4. Get moving

When you start to feel angry, anxious, or overwhelmed... fight it off. Literally!

Punch a punching bag, push your anger out in a pushup, run off the negative emotions you are experiencing. The best cure to feeling down in the dumps is to get our bodies moving even when we aren't feeling like it.

Go to the gym, take a walk, attend a workout class, and sweat the negative thoughts and energy out of your body. While you work out your body will naturally start producing endorphins that will rid your mind of negativity and boost your happiness.

Need extra motivation? Bring a friend along with you to help encourage your weight loss journey, or join a community of like-minded women.

I realized this was one of the biggest components I needed to stay on track, which is why I created the LadyBoss community. Today, the LadyBoss community has 85,000+ female followers who are trying to overhaul their physical and mental wellbeing -- and there's always room for more members, too!

Moral of the story: You aren't in this alone, even when you feel like you are. You don't always have to be the fat friend. Trust me, because I used to be her.

Kaelin Poulin is the founder of LadyBoss, a global weight loss movement that has helped more than 1.3M women learn to love themselves and lose weight.
Learn more about Kaelin's journey losing 65 lbs. and her adventure to motherhood by visiting