Many things in life are better done in moderation, but when it comes to regular sex with your partner – the more may be the merrier.
According to research, established couples have sex on average two – three times a month, with married couples having more sex than couples who are single. But, there are no one-size-fits-all when it comes to how much sex a couple should have.
“Some couples have sex a few times a day then may not have it for a week or more,” says Dr. Dawn Michael, a certified clinical sexologist from Los Angeles. “At one time or another everyone will find that their sex drive may not match their partners, so this is a topic that needs to be addressed if it is causing a problem in the relationship,” she warns.
There are many reasons happy couples should be having more sex – for health and relationship reasons, and all are backed by science and experts. Imagine that.
It Relieves Stress
“When you have more sex you’re less likely to get stressed, or as stressed as you do when you’re in a sexual desert,” says April Masini, a New York City-based relationship expert. “Sex tends to get you relaxed, and that relaxation carries you through the day. You may still get stressed, but you won’t be as stressed as if you haven’t had sex,” she continues.
In 2006, researchers from Scotland published a report in Biological Psychology, which found when men and women had sex, their reactions to stressful situations were far lower. They asked 24 participants to record their sexual activity, then they subjected them to stressful situations -- like doing the verbal math and public speaking -- and took note of their blood pressure, an indicator of stress.
The research found that those who had more frequent sexual activity had reacted less to the stress they were put under during the testing.
Starting your morning with your partner between the sheets is a fun way to help you get your day off on the right foot – especially if you’re able to climax.
“After orgasm for a woman she may feel invigorated,” says Dr. Michael adding that having sex before bed may not be a great idea for women who wish to fall asleep quickly thanks to the hormone dopamine.
Dr. Michael says, “do not release dopamine like women do” which can help explain why they seem to have an easier time getting their shut-eye after a good romp in the bed.
The Fountain of Youth
Research was done at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland discovered that older couples who enjoyed regular sex – up to four times a week -- looked to be seven to 12 years younger than their actual age. Participants were looked at through a one-way mirror and had others guess their ages. They believe hormones, like testosterone, estrogen and oxytocin, which are released during sex keep the body looking younger.
Sex is a great way to bond a relationship,” believes Masini. “While it’s easy to not feel like having sex with your husband or partner, the more you do, the better you feel about each other and the relationship,” she adds.
Every relationship has its issues and Masini believes that a strong bond, which is strengthened by regular intimacy, is key to working those hard issues out. “Those problems don’t seem as bad because you feel united on a level that’s created and enhanced by regular and frequent sex,” she advises.
How can you go about having more sex in your relationship?
The answer is simple: just ask for it, says Dr. Michael. “I do feel that for both people in a relationship if they want to have sex ask for it,” she says. “Many times it is one person making the moves and the other accepting or denying, but each person should be responsible for their own desire.”
If you’re having some trouble getting in the mood, remember that stress may be at play. “Have a glass of wine or take a warm shower and try to get into the mood,” says Masini. She says even if you don’t feel completely in the mood, but you want to give it a shot you should.
“Aren’t there times you don’t want to go to the gym, but you do because you know it’s good for you? But you do it anyway, are glad, afterward? Sex is the same thing!”