Lady Gaga Calls Alter-Ego Her ‘Biggest Enemy’ While Looking Back on Fame

Lady Gaga released her latest album, Chromatica, on May 29. In a new interview with CBS correspondent Lee Cowan, Gaga, whose real name is Stefani Germanotta, explained that she had resentment towards fame, as E! News noted. According to the star, that same resentment helped fuel the writing of Chromatica.

Regarding some of the darker lyrics on her album, Gaga explained that they came about because there was a time in her life in which she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to be an internationally-famous singer. She said, “I hated being famous. I hated being a star. I felt exhausted and used up.” The “Bad Romance” singer went on to say that had resentment towards making music, as that is the avenue which led to her fame status. She continued, “I [was] looking at [my] piano, and thinking, ‘You ruined my life.’ During that time, I was like, ‘You made me Lady Gaga. My biggest enemy is Lady Gaga.’ That’s what I was thinking: My biggest enemy is her.”

Gaga went on to say that she missed the simple parts about life that she is no longer able to enjoy because of her fame. “You can’t go to the grocery store now. If you go to dinner with your family, somebody comes to the table; you can’t have a dinner with your family without it being about you. It’s always about you. All the time it’s about you,” she added. Gaga reportedly went through a difficult period of time that lasted about two and a half years, during which she contemplated suicide “every day.” The singer was eventually able to find herself out of this negative mindset with the help of those closest to her.

She said that both Elton John and Ariana Grande, two singers whom she collaborated on Chromatica with, helped lift up her spirits as she dealt with this struggle. As a result, she no longer harbors any resentment towards the “Lady Gaga” persona that brought her to worldwide renown. “I don’t hate Lady Gaga anymore,” the Oscar winner explained. “I found a way to love myself again, even when I thought that was never going to happen. Now I look at my piano and say ‘Oh, my piano that I love so much.’ My piano that lets me speak. My piano that lets me make poetry. My piano that is mine.”