Kevin Gates Says He Planned to Kill Himself, Reveals What Saved His Life
Rapper Kevin Gates opened up about his mental health struggles in recent years and how he overcame them. The "2 Phones" artist said that it was his fans who ultimately helped him overcome suicidal ideation, and he believes they are the reason he is alive today. Warning: Gates' comments are a blunt discussion about suicide and suicidal thoughts.
Gates was on the Big Facts podcast with Big Bank, DJ Scream and Baby Jade last week when he shared his story. He said that he had vivid suicidal thoughts and even "plans" in 2020, and that he had actually written a letter to leave behind. He said that things were worst around the time that he deactivated his Instagram in December of 2020. Ultimately, however, he said his fans turned it around for him.
"See, I don't do the, 'Man, I'm 'bout to kill myself!'" Gates said. "I don't want no attention. I was going the way of the samurai. Just smash myself because I was to the point I ain't want to live no more."
Gates said that he was deeply unhappy around that time, noting that he felt particular pressure to be "a provider." He referenced his daughter Islah, saying he believed her birthday party in Cabo would be the last time he saw her. He also said that he felt he was being "tolerated" in his home life, never "celebrated."
"As men, when you a provider and you not feeling like you being celebrated in the proper manner, you feel like you only being tolerated," he said. "When I was in the streets, I used to hate going home because I feel like I wasn't welcome there. Y'all act like I'm just doing what I'm supposed to be doing." We so busy being tough and harboring all these resentment and emotions and the s- we deal with. That pressure was on top of my head. I was like, 'Man, I quit.'"
"I had a raw letter that I wrote about everything," Gates went on. "I was just saying I don't regret nobody I ever stepped on; if I did, your momma ain't raise you right. I wrote about how I've been in love before and had my heart broken. How the first woman to ever break my heart was my mother, and the only woman to ever love me was my grandmother."
Gates said he wrote that letter after returning from Cabo, then went to the gym. As he was leaving the gym, he said a fan approached him. That encounter may have saved his life.
"White boy walked up on me – kinda big, I see him in there a lot. He said, 'Can I approach you?' He like, 'Man, your music [is] the only thing that make this crazy world make sense.' I was like, 'Man, the world's a cruel place. Trust me, I know,'" Gates said. He then actually told the fan about his suicidal thoughts. He recalled: "He cried, and he grabbed me, and he said, 'If you do that, so many people gonna take their own life 'cause you all we got.'"
"This shows you how God works through people," Gates continued. "I said 'you know what? I guess I'll stick around a while.' When I disconnected my Instagram and stopped making comparisons to my life and other people's highlight film, and just started living for me and really appreciating the good things about myself, and love what you have and have all that you need and really engaging with myself and the world – that's what really shook me all the way."
"If I only help one person with my story, with everything I've been through, then I've served my purpose," Gates concluded. If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741-741.