‘Dog’s Most Wanted’ Star Duane Chapman Opened up About Suicidal Thoughts After Wife Beth’s Death in Season Finale

Duane “Dog the Bounty Hunter” Chapman revealed his struggle with suicidal thoughts during the Season 1 finale of Dog’s Most Wanted. The WGN America series aired its final episode of 2019, catching up to the final days of Beth Chapman‘s life, as well as the emotional memorial services in her honor in Hawaii and Colorado. The episode also revealed honest interviews from Dog and the Chapman family soon after Beth’s passing, with the family patriarch revealing he considered suicide.

“I’m so glad I had her the little time that I did,” Dog said as he opened up to cameras about the struggle after his wife’s passing.

“I’m only been alone as I showered and I had to run out of there without a towel, because I can’t be alone right now. That’s when I start thinking about things,” he added, getting visibly emotional. “And I start to take a nap, and I reached over to touch something and it was the freakin’ dog.”

“I don’t realize yet psychologically that she’s gone and I’ll never ever see her,” he continued. “I don’t realize that. I just hope I don’t live very much longer without her, because now she made the first step, she’s through the gate. She’s paved the way for me.”

“I want to take a goddamn pain pill so bad. I feel like if I did something to myself right now, and passed away, suicidal, I’d go up to heaven and be like “Hi honey,” and would go, ‘you dumba— why did you do that?’ or would she go ‘wow, you’re here.’”

“So am I obligated to do that?” he asked further. Later that day, one of their family friends admitted they moved the prescription medicine away from Dog’s access to keep him safe during the difficult time.

Dog has been open about how the Chapman family coped with the massive loss. back in August he told PEOPLE he feels he should have died before his late wife.

“Each one copes differently, there is a few that really barely making it,” Chapman said. “We don’t know what to do. We haven’t read, we weren’t prepared. I lost my mother first, and when my mom passed away, I’m like, ‘I wish dad would have died first’, you know, because I love my mummy. So I went to them and said, ‘I’m so sorry that I didn’t die first and mum did.’”

“And they were like, ‘Yeah dad, why?’ So I was like, ‘Oh my God, I know what that feels like, I should’ve been the one. The guy goes first,’” he added.

Chapman also revealed how the dynamics with his kids changed, as he had to take on the role of strict parent in Beth’s absence.

“So that’s hard for them… And I guess I’m the softy of the group, because I never wanted to punish. I said, ‘Your mom is gonna get you if you don’t do that.’ So now I gotta be the one that does that, and I don’t like that and they don’t either,” he told the outlet.

Dog’s Most Wanted is expected to be renewed for Season 2.