WWE Champion Jinder Mahal left his time machine a little too late. Perhaps set his cryofreezeer for the wrong date or miscalculated something else, because his spaceship was supposed to land in the 1980’s.
By now we’re all well aware of his physique; the guy is ripped to shreds. His Punjabi promos could stir up any Reagan voter and the dastardly Singh Brothers are enough to perturb any granny/grandson combo.
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Hulk Hogan dreams of Jinder Mahal. But he’s been deleted.
However, WWE happens to employ a man who is a direct descendant of the Hogan Mold. A man who will be making his return to WWE on, coincidentally, July 4th. His name is John Cena.
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For all we know, Jinder Mahal may have been built just to lose to Cena in Red White and Blue fashion. Rumors indicate that upon return, this is exactly what will be happening. According to wwleaks.org, Cena will be pinning the “Modern Day Maharaja” and win his record 17th WWE Championship.
This cannot happen. Here’s why:
1. This is How Cena Gets #17?
WWE loves to pretend they’re the NFL. In the world of earnest sports, record-breaking moments are rare occurrences and get treated as such. In wrestling, these moments aren’t quite as special, but that doesn’t mean they can’t still be moments.
For WWE, Cena passing Flair is a huge story. Even though wrestling isn’t the same form of competition as the NHL, this is still a career achievement of epic proportions. That said, how could this not happen at WrestleMania?
Have Cena try and fail to capture his elusive 17th title. Give us a story. It’s practically written for you, WWE. Mahal has been fine, but is he really the guy that can make this crowning moment legendary?
2. Losing Heat
Let’s set the stage:
Cena comes back and declares his quest for number 17 will be dedicated to the America spirit.
Mahal says something about Cena’s dream to win 17 is just as dumb as the American dream.
As weeks go on, most of us will decide that we are tired of booing Cena and the idea of making history is pretty cool. Even more so, we’re going to be tired of Jinder Mahal. Not because he says nasty things about this country, but because he’s been utterly outclassed by Cena. He will have been fully ousted as an illegitimate main eventer and we will want something better. Because of this, we’re going to boo Jinder Mahal. And we’re going to mean it.
By the time his music hits at his SummerSlam showdown versus Cena, we’re really going to hate him. For the first time ever, the crowd will chant “Let’s Go Cena” without “Cena Sucks.”
We’re begging for a Cena win. But he gets denied by Jinder Mahal. History will have to wait as Jinder celebrates by humping an American flag. For hurting us so badly, we will detest him. We will cry for someone to dethrone this rotten bastard. Then, WWE could pick anyone, literally anyone to beat Mahal and we would fall in love.
But of Mahal loses to Cena, none of this will happen. It will just be business as usual.
3. Mahal Becomes a Player
There’s the off chance Jinder Becomes popular with the fan base. I mean, we did get “Let’s Go Jinder” chants at Backlash. Will pitting him assist Cena unlock this support further?
We’ll know in due time, but one thing that is certain: If Jinder loses the title to Cena he’ll slip back into obscurity. He’ll be all too easily compared to the Great Khali. He’ll always be looked on upon as an experimental champion that few ever took seriously.
But if he wins, he becomes bonafide. Pinning John Cena raises your floor as a WWE talent. If Mahal wins, WWE creates something.
4. The Best Shock
To be frank, Jinder hans’t been treated fairly. Instead of focusing on the character WWE is trying to develop, we (myself included) have been preoccupied by the legitimacy of his muscles and his tone-deaf promos.
Some circiles, (myself included, again) even said that Jinder is only champion to increase Indian appeal. We would even go so far to postulate that Mahal pinning Orton was a desperate attempt by WWE to make headlines with a shocking moment.
If you want to shock us and have Twitter explode, then take it a step further – have him beat Cena. WWE wouldn’t have enough cameras to capture all of the gaping, awestruck mouths of the arena. Tell us you mean all of this Jinder stuff, WWE. Double down.
5. Does WWE Really Think We Are This Dumb?
As mentioned Mahal is a vintage, foreign heel. Every week he disparages America then speaks an alien language with an inflammatory scowl. The formula is one of the sport’s oldest and the reason it still exists in 2017 is due to its past profitability.
The xenophobic magic trick ends with an uber-patriotic Cena pinning Mahal, ridding us all of this godforsaken foreigner. Hooray, America.
But this is WWE underestimating their fan base. We aren’t a collection of crusty war vets and 16-year-old alcoholics. Wrestling fans are evolving. I mean, we definitely aren’t quantum physicists, but c’mon guys, this tactic is beyond dated.
As a nefarious heel, what does Mahal convey to the oh-so-coveted Indian base? It would confirm growing American stereotype: we think foreigners are bad.
We’re all better than this. For WWE, it’s a lazy way to get heat. Someone in those creative meetings needs to be held to a higher standard. There are dozens of ways to make Jinder vs. Cena compelling without U-S-A chants.
