Former Saturday Night Live star Melissa Villaseñor revealed that her departure from the show was her decision. After six seasons, the show began to take a toll on her mental health, and she had panic attacks during her final year on the show. It felt like she was “on a cliff every week,” Villaseñor said.
“I gave myself a lot of time in the summer to think on it and kind of play out in my head if I go back… At the end of the day it was about my mental health,” Villaseñor told The Daily Beast‘s The Last Laugh podcast. Villaseñor, who was beloved for her hilarious impressions, said she “was struggling” during Season 47 after suffering “a couple of panic attacks.”
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“I always felt like I was on the edge of a cliff every week,” Villaseñor explained. “And I was like, I don’t want to be doing that to myself anymore. And it’s not like the show was mean towards me or anyone. It was just how I handle things.”
Villaseñor described herself as an introvert, adding that she tends “to get small” when she is around a big group of people. “I get nervous, like, where do I fit? What am I supposed to do? That’s how I was in high school, too,” she said. “And so I think that’s what caused it. And I was like, I think I’m OK. I feel like there’s nothing else that I feel like, oh, I need to be sharing this, I want to do this on the show. I think I’m ready. There was just something telling me, I think I could part ways.”
The decision to leave was “super hard” because she loves SNL creator Lorne Michaels, Villaseñor said. She is “so grateful” that she was a part of the show. “I shared with them that this was my kid dream. This is all I wanted as a kid,” she said. “So I’m going to carry that forever in my heart, that I got to experience that in my life.”
Villaseñor joined SNL in 2016 and made history as the show’s first Latina. She did not think about that at the time, but she admitted to feeling a little added pressure to represent an entire community on the show. “A little bit, like I was supposed to bring in a bunch of Mexican humor or something,” she said. “And at that time I didn’t really have a lot of it… other than imitating my Abuelita, my great-grandma-I didn’t have a lot of bits about it, until I think the last season, where I had a girl who kept saying ‘thas sah’ with Selena [Gomez], and then my character loosely based on my uncle Cesar.”
The one thing Villaseñor said she will miss the most is the “magical feeling” she got whenever the show was about to start. It was “exciting and thrilling” to know she was going to do a “Weekend Update” bit that would air. As for what she misses the least, it is the work schedule and coming up with an idea that wouldn’t come to fruition.
SNL airs on NBC Saturdays at 11:30 p.m. ET. The show’s next new episode airs on Oct. 29. Jack Harlow serves as both guest host and musical performer. Meanwhile, Villaseñor’s new book, Whoops… I’m Awesome is now available. She also has tour dates scheduled through November.
