Woman Gouged Her Eyes out as a ‘Sacrifice’ to God

Kaylee Muthart, the 20-year-old woman who gouged her own eyes out outside a South Carolina church while high on crystal meth, said she thought it was a “sacrifice” to God.

Muthart clawed her eyes out on Feb. 6, in front of residents in Anderson, South Carolina outside a church. Her mother spoke out a few weeks later, sharing her daughter’s story to warn about the dangers of drugs and addiction. Muthart is now completely blind, and was reportedly in a drug-induced hallucination at the time.

On Friday, Cosmopolitan published an interview with Muthart, who said the “high” from the drugs she used “made me feel particularly close to God.”

Muthart said she was a straight-A student until she dropped out of high school in 11th grade after her grades began slipping while she worked and missed classes because of a heart arrhythmia.

“I thought taking time off from school would be better than tarnishing my academic record and would leave me with a better chance at securing a college scholarship to study marine biology, which I’d always wanted to do,” Muthart said.

By the time she reached 18, she was already drinking alcohol socially and smoking pot often, even while working. She tried to avoid serious drugs, since addiction ran in her family. But by the following year, she smoked pot she suspects was “laced with either cocaine or meth.”

“When I was 19 last summer, I was smoking pot with an acquaintance at his house and got a strange high,” Muthart said. “Later, I googled the symptoms that surprised me the most — numb lips and feeling like I was on top of the world. I’d long been a religious Christian; the high made me feel particularly close to God.”

She felt betrayed by the friend she was smoking with, and quit her job. However, she did not go back to school. Her relationship with her boyfriend was coming to an end, and she began drinking and smoking pot more often. She also started using Xanax regularly.

Although she got a new job, she still felt isolated after losing her friends and boyfriend. In August 2017, she started smoking meth. After losing her job and realizing the dangers of using the drug, she tried to “steer clear of meth.” But she then asked a friend for ecstasy, which she thought was safer than cocaine or meth.

“While on ecstasy, I studied the Bible. I misinterpreted a lot of it. I convinced myself that meth would bring me even closer to God,” Muthart told Cosmopolitan. “So, after Thanksgiving, when I was feeling particularly lonely, I smoked meth with a friend. Within two months, I progressed to snorting it, then shooting it as often as I could by myself or with friends. I was surrounded by heavy drug users.”

Meanwhile, Muthart’s mother tried reach out and found a rehab facility for her. They met on Feb. 4, and she learned her mother taped the conversation. Feeling betrayed again, she bought meth and took the largest dose of her life.

“On the morning of Tuesday, February 6, I was still high. I was hallucinating, so my memories are fuzzy, but based on what I remember and details I’ve pieced together from other witnesses, here’s what happened: Thinking the friend I’d gotten high with had gone to church, I wandered there along a railroad track,” Muthart recalled. “Even though it was 10:30 in the morning, everything looked dark and gloomy apart from a light post, where I thought a white bird was perched.”

She realized that someone had to sacrifice something to “right the world, and that person was me.”

“I thought everything would end abruptly, and everyone would die, if I didn’t tear out my eyes immediately,” she said. “I don’t know how I came to that conclusion, but I felt it was, without doubt, the right, rational thing to do immediately.”

Muthart went on to graphically describe how she gouged out her eyes. She said she might have tried to gouge out her brain if a pastor had not run out to stop her after she yelled, “I want to see the light!” She had no memory of saying that. Muthart said she fought against the people at the church who tried to help her.

Two days later, she woke up in the hospital, where she stayed for a week.

While she was at the church, “my mom was on her way to the courthouse with her recording to get me legally committed. She was too late.”

After a month at an psychiatric in-patient treatment facility, Muthart went home with her mother, who has helped her. She still hopes to become a marine biologist and is using a GoFundMe page to raise money for a seeing-eye dog. She is also attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings and has gone to the Commission for the Blind to learn about living without eyesight.

The GoFundMe page has raised over $27,000.

Photo credit: Facebook / Kaylee Muthart