Former Bachelor contestant Colton Underwood has come out as gay. Speaking with Robin Roberts during Wednesday's Good Morning America, Underwood opened up about his journey to self-acceptance, revealing that while he knew he was "different" since he was a child, growing up in the Catholic church and playing football made it hard to accept his sexuality and there were times throughout his journey to discovering his true self that he fell into a "dark" place. According to Underwood, at some points, he even struggled with suicidal thoughts.
Candidly discussing his years-long journey to accepting his sexuality, Underwood told Roberts that not coming to terms with his sexuality took a toll on his mental health. According to Underwood, he "got to a place where I didn't think I was ever going to share this" and he would "have rather died than say I'm gay." Asked if he ever thought of harming himself, Underwood revealed "there was a moment in L.A."
"There was a moment in L.A. that I woke up and I didn't think I was gonna wake up. I didn't have intentions of waking up," he revealed. "And I did. And I think for me that was my wake-up call. Like, this is your life. Take back control. I think looking back even beyond that is like, even just suicidal thoughts: Driving my car close to a cliff, like, 'Oh if this goes off the cliff it's not that big of a deal.'"
Underwood said he "doesn't feel that anymore" and is the "happiest and healthiest" he has ever been. He also admitted that his sexuality he "never thought" he was going to share. Reflecting on the past year, which he said has "been a lot for a lot of people" due to the pandemic and has "made a lot of people look themselves in the mirror and figure out who they are and what they've been running from," Underwood said he has "run from myself for a long time. I've hated myself for a long time." He said that after years of self-discovery and running away from his truth, he "came to terms" with his sexuality "earlier this year and have been processing it. The next step in all of this was sort of letting people know. Still nervous but yeah, it's been a journey for sure."
Underwood starred on Season 23 of The Bachelor, which aired in 2019. He first appeared on the ABC dating competition franchise in 2018 as a contestant on Becca Kufrin's season of The Bachelorette.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741-741.