‘Bachelor’ Chris Soules Talks His Role in Fatal 2017 Accident for the First Time

Chris Soules is opening up for the first time about his involvement in the 2017 fatal crash that resulted in the death of 66-year-old Kenny Mosher and resulted in him pleading guilty to leaving the scene of a personal injury accident, an aggravated misdemeanor. In a new interview with PEOPLE published Wednesday, the former Bachelor star gave people following the case an inside look at his journey over the last two years.

“The trauma of being involved in [the accident] is something I cannot describe,” he told the outlet of the crash, in which Mosher was killed after his tractor was rear-ended by a truck driven by Soules. “I think about it every day.”

“There is not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could have done more or change the outcome of what happened,” Soules said of speculation that he fled the scene without doing all he could to save Mosher. “My outlook on life has changed forever.”

While Soules couldn’t discuss specifics of the case as part of a recent civil settlement with Mosher’s family, he told PEOPLE he was simply going about his day when the crash mad everything a blur..

“The next thing you know, I’m coming to inside my pickup,” he recalled. “I heard a voice [of a man who had witnessed the accident] saying, ‘Call 911.’”

“I was giving chest compressions and continued to do CPR until eventually I spat out [Mosher’s] blood,” he continued. “He coughed up blood in my mouth. At that point I thought it didn’t seem to be doing a lot of good. I was scared. And I remember thinking he might not make it.” When the paramedics arrived, “I remember praying [that he would be okay].”

Soules’ next move, that to leave the scene in a different truck owned by one of his workers who came to the site after the accident, would be a major point in the prosecution’s initial felony charge of leaving the scene of an accident with a fatality.

“I was out of my mind,” he explained of his actions. “I felt like I did everything in my power when I was there and I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know what happened. I didn’t know anything. I just knew it was really bad and I was scared.”

Despite Soules speaking with a lawyer on the way home, he was arrested and charged, although police and witnesses at the scene determined he was not under the influence of alcohol. It’s been a traumatic legal journey, Soules explained.

“I saw some dark times,” he admitted. “I’m in the middle of nowhere as it is and I was even deeper in the isolation and the guilt. I thought many times that it would have been easier on the other side.”

Now, however, Soules is moving forward with the help of family and friends, although it doesn’t mean he won’t be mourning Mosher’s death for the rest of his life.

“I’ll live with [what happened] forever,” said Soules. “But I will carry on, and as a result of the tragedy, do something bigger and better with my life.”

Photo credit: Getty / Terry Wyatt