Planned sex: two words that conjure up a whole host of anxiety for most couples. For many, the idea of making a sex schedule with your partner is akin to romance’s death, a clear indication that the passion in a relationship has long been MIA.
But an increasing number of relationship experts are actually advocating for this practice. They’re indicating that it’s a helpful tool that can kick-start more spontaneous feelings of romance, too.
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Need some convincing? Start the slideshow to see all the ways making ‘sex dates’ can change your life.
It gets rid of distractions:
How many times has a spontaneous bout of intimacy been interrupted by the harsh blue light of a buzzing cell phone? One of the benefits of scheduling sex is that it creates a clear boundary between work and intimacy (think of it as work-life balance for the bedroom).
Mary Andres, a USC professor and co-coordinator of a marriage and family therapy program, says that the ever-present encroaching of the internet into the bedroom may be to blame for some couples’ reduced sex drive, according to USA Today. Not only are the constant alerts stressful and distracting, but they can also trick your brain into prioritizing quick, instant gratification rather than the journey of a fulfilling sexual experience. Making time for sex means making time to unplug!
It sends a message about priorities:
We’ve all felt a little ‘less than seen’ in our relationships from time to time. Scheduling sex sends a strong message to your partner—and yourself!—that you consider intimacy a necessary and fulfilling part of your relationship. It can also serve as an important reminder to take time to make your partner feel good outside the bedroom, focusing on closeness as you move about your day.
It helps build anticipation:
The biggest complaint against scheduling sex is that it’s, well, unsexy. Right? Maybe not.
Having a set time each week (or every other week—no judgment here) that’s devoted entirely to sex with your partner can actually inject major heat into your relationship because you have something to look forward to. Who among us hasn’t had an incredible night after a long-awaited date or milestone? Recreate that feeling more frequently by daydreaming during the week and watch your intimacy soar. Anticipation can create a powerful drive; think of it as mental foreplay.
Not sure how often to schedule sex with your partner? Check out our tips for getting on the same page.
