Looks like this Texas man may have found his one, albeit it's a chain link fence.
Eliodoro Estala is facing an indecent exposure charge after a neighbor reported witnessing the naked 32-year-old "having sex with a fence" that separates their Austin properties.
According to an arrest affidavit, Diana Vazquez first spotted Estala urinating on the fence around 11:25 AM Wednesday. When Estala realized that the Vazquez was recording him with her cell phone, he allegedly "took off his clothes."
After disrobing, Estala "put his mouth inside the chain link fence and stuck his tongue out moving it up and down." Vazquez, the affidavit noted, said that it appeared Estala "was demonstrating a sexual act of 'eating out the fence.'"
Estala then allegedly proceeded to "stick his erected penis into the chain link fence" and then began to "have sex with the fence." Vazquez, who remarked that Estala apparently "thought the fence was a female," showed police photos and videos of Estala getting intimate with the inanimate object.
Estala, who appeared intoxicated, denied copulating with the fence, claiming he had been inside his apartment the whole time. However, Vazquez, identified him as the Hispanic male "having sex with her fence."
Estala was collared on a misdemeanor indecent exposure charge and booked into the county jail. He was later released on a personal recognizance bond.
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[H/T The Smoking Gun]