Tess Holliday Feels ‘So Free’ After ‘Toxic Marriage’ to Ex Nick Holliday

Tess Holliday feels “so free” following the end of her relationship with ex-husband Nick Holliday, which she described in a lengthy statement posted to social media Sunday as “abusive, unhealthy” and “toxic.” The model married her ex in 2015, but had been living apart since September 2019, she told Parents last year, insinuating on Instagram last year that they were officially separated. The two share 4-year-old son Bowie, and Tess is also mom to son Rylee from a previous relationship.

“Coming out of such an abusive, unhealthy, toxic marriage and finding love through my friendships and more importantly myself has been such a freeing experience,” Tess wrote Sunday on social media. “I’m choosing to share all of this with y’all because I know so many people are going through similar things.”

Tess acknowledged that many people in similar relationships have the ability to leave “stolen from them,” saying that she had to “claw [her] way out” of her own marriage. “I know how lucky I am, and it’s not something I take for granted,” she wrote, reassuring people in a similar situation that “this isn’t your fault.”

“Abuse is so subtle sometimes that it bleeds into our lives slowly, disguising itself as love,” she wrote. “It doesn’t matter how ‘powerful’ you are. It doesn’t matter how much you ‘love yourself.’ It doesn’t matter if you think ‘It will never happen to me.’ It happens.” During her relationship, the blogger said she watched her career, friends and finances “vanish,” which she couldn’t stop until it was “almost too late.”

“It was humbling, gut wrenching and honestly, a little embarrassing (still dealing with that part),” she wrote. “How can I be a beacon for a loving yourself when at home my life looked a lot different than what was shared online? I always tried to be as transparent as I could, but unless you’ve ever been in my situation, no one can really say for sure what they would do.”

Getting back to herself has been a “long, confusing & hard path,” Tess continued, admitting she still doesn’t recognize herself in the mirror most days. “But I’m happy, I’m safe and yea I’m a hell of a lot fatter (making peace with this part too) but I’m still standing,” she insisted. “Fear doesn’t take up space in my home anymore, it’s been replaced with gratitude. Tremendous gratitude.”

If you or someone you know needs help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233. More resources and information are available here.