Meghan Markle Reveals Suicidal Thoughts While Member of the Royal Family in Oprah Interview

In Meghan Markle and Prince Harry‘s interview with Oprah Winfrey, the Duchess of Sussex said in one of the most shocking revelations of the night that she felt suicidal during her time in the royal palace. She said she could not admit the thought to her husband at the time, even if she “just didn’t want to be alive anymore.” Markle, 39, said she could never truly be alone and the royal family tried to dissuade her from seeking help for her mental health.

“I didn’t want to be alive anymore,” Markle told Winfrey through tears. “I was ashamed to admit it to Harry but I knew if I didn’t say it, I would do it. I just didn’t want to be alive anymore. It was clear, it was real, it was frightening, and it was a constant thought.” She said she could not get help from the “institution” of the monarchy because she was not considered an employee and was told seeking help would not look good. “You can’t just call an Uber to the palace,” the former Suits actress told Winfrey. She even went to one of the late Princess Diana’s friends because they were the only ones who would “understand what it’s like on the inside” of the royal family.

Markle also talked about the loss of freedom she felt and how one photo from a Royal Albert Hall outing haunts her. A friend told her she looked “so great” that night, but she zoomed in herself, and “what I saw was the truth of what that moment was.” That night, she cried when the lights went down and smiled when they went up. She only went because she did not want to be alone that night. “I can’t be left alone, I’m afraid of what I might do,” she said.

In another portion of the interview, Winfrey asked Harry about the media reports that he was happy with his life before meeting Markle. She noted that the photos of him smiling all the time did not give the impression he was “trapped” as a member of the royal family. Harry said this was all “part of the role” and what was “expected” from family members.

“No matter who you are in the family, no matter what’s going on in your personal life, no matter what’s just happened, if the bikes roll up and the car rolls up, you got to get dressed, you got to get in there,” Harry explained. “You wipe your tears away, shake off whatever you’re thinking about, and you got to be on your ‘A’ game.”

If you or someone you know are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741-741.