Bebe Rexha first revealed that she has bipolar disorder in April 2019, and the singer spoke out about her diagnosis for the first time in a new interview with SELF magazine, sharing that she received confirmation of her diagnosis shortly before she told her fans.
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"I was very fearful," Rexha said of receiving the diagnosis. "I didn't want to think there was something wrong with me."
"That was my worst fear all my life: going crazy," she said. "I felt like me opening up to my fans was me finally saying, 'I'm not going to be imprisoned by this.' And maybe it'll make somebody not feel imprisoned, in that moment, if they feel like they're going through a rough time. That's why I decided to really open up and to free myself from that."
The 30-year-old was diagnosed with bipolar I, which is characterized by manic episodes along with depressive episodes, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Rexha shared that her disorder began manifesting itself when she was young, recalling being "so worried all the time."
She also recalled severe mood changes before her period, bouts of mania and other mood swings.
"It made me feel just weird feelings, weird emotions, weird thoughts all the time. Not normal thoughts," she said, "I'd be in the passenger seat of the car and I would want to open the door and jump out and just get f—ing squashed. Which is terrible."
Rexha eventually decided to seek treatment, though she was worried she might be perceived differently because of it.
"It's the war you have inside your head: Will it affect my career? Will people judge me? Will they want to work with me?" she explained. "If people have been calling me crazy, are they going to be like, 'Well, that b— is f—ing crazy.'"
"It's scary, but at a certain point you got to say, 'F— it, this is who I am,'" she said of sharing her diagnosis with the world. "Or you just keep it to yourself. At the end of the day, it's nobody's business. But, for me, I like to be very transparent with my fans … and I won't allow it to label me. It's something that I'm going through, but it's not me."
She is now taking medication and has not yet worked up to the dosage her doctor prescribed, but that she feels "so much better."
"It's helped me live a more balanced life, less ups and downs," the "I'm a Mess" singer reflected. "When my medication started kicking in, I couldn't believe how I felt. I couldn't believe that's how good people could feel."0comments
"There's nothing to feel bad for. I'm fine, I'm healthy, I'm working on myself," Rexha added. "I'm bettering myself as a human."
Photo Credit: Getty / Cindy Ord