Nikki Bella Felt ‘Off’ After Engagement to John Cena: ‘I Just Know Deep Down I Want a Baby’

Nikki Bella and John Cena may have just split last month, but the cracks in their relationship were already starting to show in the season 3 premiere of Total Bellas.

In the episode, which aired Monday, Bella continued to struggle with her strong desire to become a mom, despite her fiancé’s stance against having kids.

While playing with sister Brie’s baby girl Birdie, Nikki admits that she never thought she could have this kind of “connection with a baby.”

“I just look at Birdie’s face and never thought I could have this connection with a baby,” Nikki says during an interview with Brie. “I want to give her everything and make sure she has the greatest life. I’ve never felt that unconditional love.”

Brie then suggests that perhaps her feelings about Birdie are a sign.

“Or Birdie is placed here on this planet to let you know you can have a connection like that with your own,” she says.

Later in the episode, Brie asks Nikki if seeing Birdie grow up makes her regret her decision to not have a family of her own with Cena.

“I was like 100 percent okay not being a mom, but Birdie just gets cuter by the day,” says Nikki, adding that she tried to bring up the subject of having kids again to Cena, but he said, “absolutely not.”

“It’s such a load of s—,” Brie says during a confessional. “Nicole, what the f— are you doing? There’s someone out there who will marry you and give you babies. Someplace in your heart you have to be like, ‘I love you, you’re a great man, you’re just not for me.’”

The issue appears to wear at Nikki more in the second episode of the season, based on the previews for next week’s episode, when her sister-in-law announces her second pregnancy.

“I am so happy for my brother and his wife, it’s just hard to not be affected when everyone around you is having not only one baby, they’re having more,” says Nikki. “They’re having families. I just know deep down I want a baby. I want to be a mom, and I feel like I can’t live the rest of my life not having one.”

Nikki admits that she has felt “off” since getting engaged because once they are married, it will be official that she will never become a mom.

Sitting down to discuss her emotions regarding motherhood with Cena, she begins to cry.

“I would never force you to be a dad,” she says to Cena.

He replies. “I would never force you to become a mom … I told you so many times this would happen … I’m not sure we should go through with this.”

The Dancing with the Stars alum called off the engagement three weeks before she and Cena were planning to tie the knot. The two have recently expressed a desire to possibly reconcile in the future, however, with Cena admitting during a recent interview that he now wants to have a family with Nikki.

Total Bellas airs Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on E!

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