A bride’s wedding almost ended in a complete disaster after she learned the hard way that drinking detox drinks just before your wedding is not the best idea. She “gambled on a fart,” but it turned out her body had to release something much worse while she was wearing her $15,000 wedding gown.
Three years ago, a wedding planner shared this story on Reddit in response to the question “Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? What happened?” The wedding planner had quite the story to share.
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According to the planner, the bride was one-half of a union between two wealthy families. The bride had the wedding at a family-owned bar, which caused several problems while planning the nuptials. “The bride had, to be honest, been quite a bridezilla, but it’s my job to deal with those things,” the planner wrote.
After the ceremony, it was time for the well-planned dinner to begin. But as she was putting everything together, she noticed “the most curious blend of expressions pass over [the] bride’s face.” The bride “frantically” waved for the planner’s assistant to come over, and the planner suddenly heard “We have an issue” in her earpiece.
“It turns out that the bride had gambled on a fart and lost in a big way,” the planner wrote. “Now, the bride was wearing a huge, full ball gown, with a fitted, bones strapless top in a sort of embellished mesh.”
The planner told everyone to expect a 15-minute delay for the dinner while her assistant helped by bride get to a portable restroom. Twenty minutes passed before her assistant told her, “The previous issue is more than we anticipated.”
“The bride, it turns out, had been using some health shakes in an attempt to fix last minute bloating,” the planner explained. “This had mixed poorly with the cocktails from earlier, and she had eaten a fairly decent breakfast. The substance that had come out of her body as a result defied explanation. It was slimy, oily even, with stringy bits and the consistency of hair gel. Not only had it been a rather profound accident, but the smell was unrivaled. Generally, a substance no human body should emit.”
Things got worse from that point.
“The thing that set it over the edge was that the shaper the bride wore was a latex deal that came down over the thighs and up to her bra,” the planner wrote. “Waterproof, the poo had just sort of filled it, like a water balloon of horror. My assistant had opened up the snap crotch and just released the evil trickling down the bride’s thighs.”
The planner continued, “My assistant quickly sealed it back up and she and the bride vainly tried to wipe up the goo, dry, with toilet paper. This just spread it around, so they decide to give up.”
The planner and her assistant frantically tried to help the bride, because she had a choreographed dance planned and her guests were waiting. The planner tried desperately to help clean the bride’s gross nails, but she eventually gave up and told the bride to go dance with the groom.
“The groom looks vaguely disconcerted by his new wife’s odor, but I tell my assistant to distract him until they take the floor. Introductions happen, the dance starts, and we find some fresh horror,” the planner wrote. “The dance was a choreographed affair, and as the groom spun his bride around, hand on her waist, he is squishing the poo up the insides of the waist trainer, up and out the back waistband. To our horror, we watch as a oily stain spread across the mid-back of the gown. As we are still cringing from this, the groom sets his hand firmly in the middle of the poo stain.”
After their dance, they had to cut the cake, and both their hands were stained as they fed each other a slice. After they left the dance floor, the planner and the bride went to a support tent where the caterers pulled out a tub for the bride to get cleaned up in. According to the planner, the diarrhea was “everywhere, spread in a thin layer across her body.”
The planner cut out the dress’ lining, and the bride put it back on to take photos for later. The groom was a good sport about it, but they skipped the garter toss “as he didn’t really want to go under the skirt.”
“Pictures from the event appeared in a magazine,” the planner wrote. “Still photos, away from the smell, were beautiful.”
Photo credit: Guang Niu/Getty Images
