Nikki Bella Admits Feeling ‘Confused’ Following John Cena Breakup

Nikki Bella got candid about her failed relationship with John Cena in a new clip from Sunday’s all-new episode of Total Bellas.

In a clip released by E! News, Bella discusses the relationship, sounding more conflicted than ever.

“I just feel super confused,” Bella shared with her family at dinner. “And I miss him more than anything in this world.”

While Bella misses her ex-fiancé more than anything, she admits she lost a piece of herself along the way.

“I wasn’t feeling alive anymore,” Bella confesses with a brave face. “I just kind of became a ‘yes girl.’ I felt like I lost myself.”

However, Bella makes it clear that her internal struggle has more to do with her rise to fame than with Cena. She went further as to saying that because of the reality show and social media, she often feels like two people.

“I started to feel like, here’s Nikki Bella and here’s Nicole,” Nikki told her loved ones. “When I first started being on reality TV and all this stuff, I was me. And then, I was told, ‘Don’t talk like this. Don’t be this.’”

“So Nikki’s slogan is ‘Fearless Nikki,’” Nikki continued while addressing the camera. “But is Nicole, ‘Fearless Nicole?’ I have to say for a while, she wasn’t… until recently.”

The couple shocked fans earlier this week after Us Weekly reported they had gotten back together, following Bella calling off their May 5 wedding.

“Nikki called off the wedding earlier this month so she could have more time to make a decision with what she wanted in life,” an insider close to the pair tells Us. “Calling off the wedding was the right decision at the moment and their relationship only grew from it. It didn’t mean that any love was lost, or that they lost any feelings for one another, but they both have realized that they love each other and want to be with one another.”

Bella announced the split on Instagram in April, with the news shocking fans of the couple, who had been together for six years. Cena proposed to Bella during WrestleMania in April 2017.

After the split, reports circulated that the breakup was due to the pair’s differing stances on children, with Bella having expressed her desire to be a mother several times on both Total Bellas and Total Divas. Cena, on the other hand, was adamant that he did not want children.

However, a recent TODAY Show appearance by Cena disputed this, with the Blockers star saying, “For anyone out there speculating on what’s going, on, I love her, I wanna be with her, I wanna make her my wife, I wanna be the father of her children.”