Kara Keough Bosworth is looking back on six months spent grieving son McCoy Casey. The daughter of Real Housewives of Orange County alum Jeana Keough shared an emotional message on what would have been her late son's 6-month milestone marker, sharing a heartbreaking black-and-white photo of her holding her son and kissing him.
Just days after Kara and husband Kyle Bosworth welcomed McCoy, the little boy died after having experienced "shoulder dystocia and a compressed umbilical cord" during his birth. Tuesday, Kara reflected on how that day had changed her and how much she still aches for her son. "Six months ago, I laid my eyes on you for the first time. I turned your big body around then looked at Daddy with a mixture of shock and pride and said, 'It's a boy.' Three hours later, I limped into the NICU to start what would be my first and last days of kissing you. Somehow, I kissed you a lifetime's worth of kisses in six days. All without one kiss back," she began.
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"I still think about what it felt like to kiss you, and that I never got kissed back," she continued. "It all still makes my throat ache like I'm being choked. I hate that the thought of kissing you creates this painful and involuntary spasm. I'd much rather be thinking of that involuntary happiness spasm that would overtake your body as a 6-month-old."
Kara then imagined the milestones she has missed with McCoy, including seeing "those little joyful jolts, with your chubby arms air-pumping and flapping while your legs do that spring-loaded kick combo" and transitioning into solid foods. "And just where am I supposed to put all this love? This love that I reserved just for you? I still put it in you, of course. The love doesn't leave just because you did," she wrote.
Mourning McCoy has taken the form of "tears, guttural sobs, and that worthless guilt" over the months, but Kara said she wants to miss him "wonderfully eventually" instead of "terribly." Kyle has been telling his wife recently, "Each day, when you feel that strong breeze, or the sun hits your face, or you hear our daughter laugh... that's our son loving his mama."
"I considered the beauty in my life and how, like your Daddy said, each one of those little happy winks are you loving me. It's you kissing me back," she concluded. "And that made my throat soften, and my heart open. And that, my boy, is the gift you've given me. A heart broken wide open is still an open heart. We love you, McCoy. And we miss you something wonderful."