At first, Lauren Duggar didn't want to believe miscarrying her first baby with husband Josiah Duggar was anything more than a horrible dream.
"I wasn't feeling well; I was cramping really, really bad, which was quite strange because I normally don't," she recalled of that night, adding that she thought she had possibly eaten something that disagreed with her gluten intolerance. "It was late at night and I went to use the restroom, and there was the baby, gone."
Crying, she continued, "I couldn't believe it, and I was hoping it wasn't true. I was hoping it was a bad nightmare, thinking I was going to wake up and it would be fine."
Sadly enough, the couple's tragedy didn't dissipate in the morning.
"It was the worst day of my life, really," Lauren admitted.
Having broken the news to their family early on that they were expecting may go against tradition, but Lauren said she was happy to have such a wide support system in the aftermath of the tragedy.
"I am so glad that we told our whole family that we were expecting so they could help Si and I through this time," she said. "We couldn't have done it without their support, really, and prayers."
As for her relationship with her husband, Lauren said Josiah has been "amazing," caring for her and supporting her as they mourn the loss of their baby. The couple even decided to write letter to their baby that they were able to place in a box of memories, which included the pregnancy test and the single pregnancy photo she was able to take.
Josiah explained that the miscarriage, for him was his "world just being shattered," with all the memories he had planned to build with his firstborn "just taken away."
"No one can ever heal from losing a child," Lauren said. "It's always going to be a reminder; it's always going to sting, especially when you see other babies."
"They say time will heal, but it's a little different," she continued. "My comfort is that my baby is with Jesus and that I one day get to see my baby. I may never get to have memories, get to take pictures, hold and kiss my baby, but I will one day get to hold my baby."
Counting On airs Mondays at 9 p.m. ET on TLC.
Photo credit: TLC