Billie Eilish Reveals She Contemplated Suicide: ‘I Didn’t Think I’d Make It to 17’

Billie Eilish gave a rather revealing interview ahead of The Grammys this weekend. While giving an interview to Gayle King on Thursday as part of The Gayle King Grammy Special, the chart-topping teenager confessed to having suicidal thoughts. While she told King that she didn’t “want to be too dark,” she admitted that “I genuinely didn’t think I’d make it to 17.”

“I think about this one time I was in Berlin and I was alone in my hotel. I remember there was a window right there. I remember I was crying because I was thinking about how the way I was gonna die was… I was gonna do it.”

When King asked the now-18-year-old singer what stopped her, Eilish simply replied “My mom.”

Obviously, Eilish was able to overcome her personal demons, and last summer, her album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? debuted at the top of the Billboard chart, and is nominated for three Grammy Awards, including Best Pop Vocal Album and Album of the Year.

More recently, Eilish was tapped to sing the theme song to the upcoming 25th (official) James Bond flick, No Time To Die. “JAMES BOND. AND I AM SINGING THE THEME SONG,” the pop sensation excitedly posted on her Instagram, along with several shocked emojis.

It’s a much better start to the new year than what Eilish had to contend with last month. Specifically when Eilish, a known vegan, made an off-hand comment about Lady Gaga’s infamous all-meat dress, which prompted quite the reaction from Gaga’s “Little Monsters” fanbase. Despite the fact that the whole fiasco lit up social media, Eilish was pretty ambivalent about the whole thing.

“I didn’t even know about it. I don’t even care. Why would I care?” Eilish told Variety. “People try to frame me for being shady and I’m not even, so I don’t care. I’m just being honest, I’m not gonna lie!”

The “Bad Guy” singer also found herself in the crosshairs of classic rock fans when she admitted in an interview on Jimmy Kimmel Live that she wasn’t aware of who Van Halen was. While people — once again — piled onto social media with their opinions, Eilish had some notable defenders, including Eddie Van Halen’s own son/bassist, Wolfgang.

“Music is supposed to bring us together, not divide us,” he tweeted amid the debacle. “Listen to what you want and don’t shame others for not knowing what you like.”

The Grammys will air Sunday, Jan. 26 on CBS.