Carrie Underwood on Her Three Miscarriages: ‘I Will Always Mourn Those Children’

Carrie Underwood has been very vocal in the last several months about her three painful miscarriages after the birth of Isaiah, who is now 4-years-old, and before the arrival of Jacob in January. But while the “Southbound” singer hopes sharing her story will help others in similar situations, it doesn’t make it any easier for her.

“I guess you wait for things to stop hurting at some point,” Underwood told The Guardian. “But letting yourself go there … other people that are going through the same thing. It kind of connects you to them. I will always mourn those children, those lives that were a shooting star, a breath of smoke, but I have Jacob, and he is incredible. He is the sweetest little baby. At the time it was awful, and it still hurts, but it’s kind of like ‘OK, I have this.’”

The Oklahoma native’s painful losses have made her more aware of people in her inner circle, who also kept their pain inside.

“It’s something that people don’t really talk about,” she conceded. “Even people who are my friends and I know well, after I talked about it were like, ‘My gosh, me too!’ And I feel like it’s something I should have known about them.”

“I think you feel silly being so attached to something that you knew about for this long,” she said, showing a small space with her fingers. “But I still feel it. It took me a while to be able to sing certain songs and be able to get through them without really going there. It doesn’t go away. Ever.”

It was while mourning her miscarriages, and recovering from her injuries after she suffered a fall at the end of 2017, that Underwood wrote many of the songs that are on her latest album, Cry Pretty.

“I was still trying to do my job and put on a smiley happy face and be Carrie Underwood,” she recalled. “And then I’d go home and fall apart.”

Underwood just wrapped up the first leg of her Cry Pretty Tour 360, where she was joined by Fisher and her two children, and tried to keep life as normal as possible, for everyone.

“We’ve kind of gotten out of hotel rooms because for Isaiah, it’s hard for a 4-year-old who’s constantly looking to be stimulated,” Underwood told PEOPLE. “We started renting houses to have a little more normalcy and so he has a backyard to play in. He can be a little boy and get out some of his penned up energy. And we can make breakfast and have those comforts of home. That’s a big difference.”

Underwood will take her Cry Pretty Tour 360 overseas this summer for a series of shows in the U.K. Find dates at her official website.

Photo Credit: Getty Images/John Shearer