In December of last year, Sarah Hyland revealed that she underwent a second kidney transplant in September 2017, following complications from the original transplant she had received in 2012.
During an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Friday, Hyland revealed just how dark things got for her during that time, sharing that she was "very, very, very close" to taking her own life.
"At the time I was 26, but after 26, 27 years of just always being sick and being in chronic pain every single day and you don't know when you're going to have the next good day, it's really, really hard," she said on the show. "I would write letters in my head to loved ones of why I did it and my reasoning behind it, how it was nobody's fault. I didn't want to write it down on paper because I didn't want anybody to find it. That's how serious I was."
Hyland ultimately discussed her suicidal thoughts with someone close to her and was then able to help herself.
"It ended up being myself that got me out of that," she said. "I had to do it on my own. I told myself I had to do it on my own."
"Just saying it out loud helped immensely because I kept it to myself for months and months at a time," she continued. "I didn't want anybody to know that I was that close, because if they knew they would try to persuade me."
Though she knows everyone with depression is different, Hyland encouraged those struggling to verbalize their thoughts.
"Every person with their anxiety or depression or if you have suicidal thoughts, every individual is different, so I wouldn't just rely on everything that I say," she said. "I'm just sharing my story. But I think talking to someone and saying it out loud really, really makes it sound almost ridiculous and it puts it into perspective."
The Modern Family star had shared similar statements in her interview with SELF magazine in which she first revealed her medical history. Her first kidney transplant was a donation from her father, and her brother donated his kidney for her second transplant.
"I was very depressed," she said. "When a family member gives you a second chance at life, and it fails, it almost feels like it's your fault. It's not. But it does."
The 28-year-old explained that she felt helpless, revealing, "For a long time, I was contemplating suicide, because I didn't want to fail my little brother like I failed my dad."
"I had gone through [my whole life] of always being a burden, of always having to be looked after, having to be cared for," she added.
Hyland also noted that anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts shouldn't be ashamed to ask for help.
"It's not shameful," she said. "For anybody that wants to reach out to somebody but doesn't really know how because they're too proud or they think that they'll be looked upon as weak, it's not a shameful thing to say. It's not a shameful thing to share."
Photo Credit: Getty / Rich Fury